Scan Results

 Looks like I have a hot date for New Years Eve: NED.

No Evidence of Disease.

I was patiently waiting for the nurse to come in to talk to me before my appointment this morning when there was a knock on the door. My oncologist stuck his head in and said, "Everything is fine! I'll be back soon." As you may remember, I told him about a year ago that it makes me nervous when he comes in and makes chit chat before telling me my results. I told him I can't focus enough to carry on a normal conversation. So, ever since then, he has spoiled me by telling me my results without even saying hi to me. He told me again this morning he has set a bad precedent with me, and that he's dreading the day he has to come in and do something differently. Although, like he said, that will never happen. (We can pray for that, right?!)

You may see in the picture that it mentions a ovarian cyst that has grown. I asked Dr. Dickson what we will have to do & he advised me to see my gyno and have an ultrasound within the next month. He said that he isn't overly concerned because these are very common in women--especially since I have already had 2 removed along with endometriosis. He said he is confident this is not melanoma related; however, like the other incidental findings we have found (lung, liver, thyroid) we have to follow it and be certain it's nothing to be concerned about. I've already called and scheduled the ultrasound for January 14, 2013 and I will see the gyno right after. I want to know what we're dealing with.

All in all, it was a great visit. My visit to the treatment suite was uneventful and we left the city at a decent hour. I am extremely thankful that a cyst is the only thing that is concerning. I didn't think I would get to celebrate my 2 year cancerversary with no evidence of disease, but come January, celebrating I will.

Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, messages and calls. It comforts me knowing I have your continued support. Thank you.

Now...I sleep!

Dear Cancer

I hate you.


...That's all.

New York, New York

Well, another Christmas holiday has come and gone! I hope you had a wonderful holiday with your family. I know I did. It was so special to be with my family and spend some good ol' QT with them.

Christmas Eve, 2012

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you my sweet friend Lynette passed away this morning after a 5 year battle with melanoma. Her husband sent me an email early this afternoon to tell me the news. I can't imagine the pain he's feeling tonight, but I think we both know we have another angel on our side. Although I will miss her, I feel honored that I can call her a friend. She had a beautiful soul that I will miss.

Lynette and I, May 2012

Tonight I am in Manhattan, frozen and curled up in the hotel room hoping for a good night sleep. I have scans tomorrow morning at 8:20 and I will receive results Friday followed by a visit to the treatment suite. It's hard to believe it's time for another visit to the oncologist. I can't say I'm excited for this visit...

How does one avoid scanxiety? One must walk around NYC, in the wet snow and become a drowned rat! 

Mom & I at Rockefeller Center

Beautiful!

Mom at Bryant Park

We had a fun afternoon exploring the city; however, it's cold! I'm going to curl up with a book, say a prayer for Lynette and her family, and get some much needed sleep. I plan on doing a little shopping tomorrow after my scans!

I hope you are all tucked in with your families and staying warm!

From My Family...

...to yours!

I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your loved ones. Merry Christmas! Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my momma, the Christmas baby! I love you!

Tanning While Pregnant: Round 3

When a doctor tells you something you assume it is true. Doctors have years of schooling, they are licensed in the state they practice, and they are simply believed to be smarter than the rest. These doctors are the ones we turn to when we have aches, pains, and even the unusual looking mole.

What happens when you are handed something like this by your doctor?

 "While tanning beds are safe..."

Not only is this medical facility flat out telling their patients that tanning beds are safe, they are telling their pregnant patients that it's safe to tan in them! Tanning while pregnant is not a topic that's new to this blog. I've blogged about it here and here. However, I have never seen a doctor flat out publish something for their patients that states that tanning beds are safe.

Needless to say, my friend had a pause in her celebration when she read the pamphlet in November. A melanoma survivor herself, she could not believe her eyes. As she wrote to me, "Oh my blood is boiling! Just got home from my first OB appointment and found this in the literature. I will be writing them a letter to distribute at my next appointment! "While tanning beds are safe..." I could vomit!!" 

And write the letter she did...

Luckily for the rest of us, this woman is determined to have the facility look again at the information that they are handing out to their patients. It terrifies me a woman--not even just the pregnant woman--will see this information and assume that tanning beds are safe. I mean, her doctor clearly believes it. Why else would he give her that information? I can hear her talking to her friends now..."But my doctor said tanning beds are safe!" 

Oh, the damage this could do...

Now the question is, how do we get our doctors to learn that tanning beds are known carcinogenics? 

The Chair

I was browsing through my pictures on my cell phone, looking for the picture of the house we're buying when I saw this. It looks like an innocent chair. Sometimes it is. But until I hear those words, "Everything is fine," the chair gets my heart beating faster, my hands begin to sweat, and I try to determine my scan results based on how the nurse treats me.

This chair--the chair where many cancer patients have probably received life changing news--is somewhere I will be on December 28, 2012.

How is it that a simple chair can help produce so much anxiety? 

I can't help but have some anxiety. I have a new job I'm enjoying, a house we're moving into, a future we're planning. My 2 year Cancerversary is in January & I want to celebrate it with no evidence of disease.

That sounds pretty selfish, doesn't it?

Blame the chair. It brought back nervous energy.

My friends have moved into hospice, others are beginning new treatments, and one just advanced to stage IV malignant melanoma. I'm thankful to be as healthy as I am. I know that I will handle whatever Dr. D (AKA The Wizard) tells me on the 28th in the only way I know how. I'll follow in my friends footsteps & handle myself with a smile, maybe a laugh, and definitely a little bad ass attitude.

After all, we are bad ass melanoma warriors, right?

A Sad Day.

Like many others, I walked into the kiddo's daycare yesterday with a heavy heart & the strong urge to hug him. I looked around the classroom at the innocent young children--ages 4-7--and wanted to cry. How could someone hurt the babies? How could someone intentionally bring harm to the kids?

My heart is heavy.

I know I need to stop watching the news, but I can't. It isn't the murderer I want to know about. He's a coward in my eyes, a monster. It's the incredible adults who made the ultimate sacrifice I want to learn more about. The principal who lunged at the killer. The custodian who ran through the hallways warning others of the violence. The 27-year old teacher who gave her own life for the lives of her students. The innocent babies...the poor innocent babies.

Mr. Rogers once said, "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world." Those are the people I want to learn about.

I turned off the news last night, I changed the radio station, and I took the kiddo to a Christmas parade. I did what 20 other parents will never get to do again. We sang Rudolph on the way there--as I held back tears listening to his sweet little voice--and cuddled during the festivities. I held him a little tighter.

My heart breaks for the families whose lives were forever changed. My heart breaks for the innocence that was greedily taken. My heart just breaks.

Hug your loved ones.