That's right: No Evidence of Disease!
I'm pretty sure my oncologist saw the stress lifted off of my chest when he stuck his head into the exam room last Friday and told me the news, "you're fine!"
I was so nervous--maybe even more so than usual--because this trip was different than all of the others: my mom wasn't with me, I was in the big city with my sister, and I have an upcoming wedding! I admit it, I'm totally a girl who loves a routine, so with things being so out of our typical pattern, I was concerned about what kind of news I would receive. (I wasn't the only one who was nervous about the change in our usual routine--mom was back home in Virginia, and she had her bags packed just in case the news wasn't what we wanted!) I know what you're thinking, we shouldn't act like that, we need to believe everything will be OK, and this just shows that we're letting melanoma have control. Yes, I agree those behaviors do show our true fear of melanoma, but...
Wait, I won't apologize for that. Melanoma is freaking scary, of course we fear it!
But anyway, once again, I feel very lucky to say that my scans show no evidence of disease.
*Perks of being a woman: I do have a new 5.2 cyst on my right ovary. The cyst on my left ovary is gone, so they think it's just hormonal. I'm not going to stress it as we are going to scan again in September! I do plan on passing along the info to my lady doctor though!)
We had a wonderful time in the city and I will share that with you in a few days! We arrived back home to a neighborhood that was pretty beat up by some horrible weather! I got back into town Saturday evening and we just got our power back on yesterday! Needless to say, I'm enjoying the electricity. I'm not a gal who enjoys camping, even if it is in a house!
I will update again soon--I have some pictures to share with you! ;-) Thank you for your prayers and for your comments on my last blog post. My heart was heavy when I wrote it. XO
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Avoiding Cancer
How do you explain cancer to a child?
I'll follow up that question by saying I don't think there's a correct answer.
Y'all know that I have a special little man in my life. He's now 6 and pretty much the greatest kid ever. We're lucky that we have him 50% of the time, and I feel so thankful to have been able to develop an awesome relationship with him. G was 3 when I was diagnosed with melanoma. We never told G what was going on, just that I was a little sick and the doctors had to make me better. He was around during my recoveries after both surgeries, he has inspected my battle wounds, and he still references the sunken "hole" I have in the side of my neck. During the recovery period he was told quite often to be gentle with me.
We've always gotten away with just telling G that I was a little sick, the doctors had to make me better, and that's why I have scars. He was 3 for goodness sake! It was easy! He knows the importance of sunscreen--and as his mom told me, he's quick to remind everyone else of the importance of sunscreen--and while he knows that the lack of sun protection led me to this disease, he doesn't know the disease by name. It isn't something we talk about yet. I've never--nor do I want to--tell G that I had/have cancer. Not yet.
Tonight we ran into a little situation.
Our beautiful friend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. As she has a husband and two young children, we wanted to do a little something that could help make things a tiny bit easier so we took dinner to them tonight. G made a card, wrote "Get well soon!" and knew to be very gentle with Mrs. Mel. We didn't think anything else about telling Gavin the reason why Mel is sick.
As we were driving down the road tonight, G says, "Why is she sick?" I start babbling about how she had a surgery that is similar to the one I had a few years ago, and G interrupts me, "I know, but what made her sick? What made her have to have surgery?"
How do you introduce Cancer to a sensitive 6 year old?
Mr. Spots and I both started babbling. I have no idea what he said, I said something like "she was a little sick so the doctors had to remove what was making her sick!" and then I changed the subject.
I know. I'm postponing it. But I know this kid.... I know he will worry about it, and I know Cancer will be mentioned until something else comes around for him to worry about. He's just like that. He has a sensitive heart and he will worry. So I avoided it. Again.
Only a few hours later, it almost came back up again.
I was tucking him into bed, giving him one last snuggle, when he said "I don't want you to leave." I said, "I know! But we are going to spend all day tomorrow and I'll be back in just a few days!" He asked me why I have to go, and then he said one little statement that hurt my heart: "We will need to be gentle with you."
I don't know if it's because of seeing Mrs. Mel tonight that reminded him of the recovery days, or if he just associates me going to NY for appointments as being something that may cause me pain, but he understands the seriousness of these trips.
I just can't introduce such a cruel disease to him just yet. He has seen enough of it without even knowing what it is. Can't I just protect him for a little longer?
Sigh.
On that note, I'm off to bed. It's that time again. That time being the time to fly back to New York for my next set of scans and treatment. Fingers crossed...
XO
I'll follow up that question by saying I don't think there's a correct answer.
Y'all know that I have a special little man in my life. He's now 6 and pretty much the greatest kid ever. We're lucky that we have him 50% of the time, and I feel so thankful to have been able to develop an awesome relationship with him. G was 3 when I was diagnosed with melanoma. We never told G what was going on, just that I was a little sick and the doctors had to make me better. He was around during my recoveries after both surgeries, he has inspected my battle wounds, and he still references the sunken "hole" I have in the side of my neck. During the recovery period he was told quite often to be gentle with me.
We've always gotten away with just telling G that I was a little sick, the doctors had to make me better, and that's why I have scars. He was 3 for goodness sake! It was easy! He knows the importance of sunscreen--and as his mom told me, he's quick to remind everyone else of the importance of sunscreen--and while he knows that the lack of sun protection led me to this disease, he doesn't know the disease by name. It isn't something we talk about yet. I've never--nor do I want to--tell G that I had/have cancer. Not yet.
Tonight we ran into a little situation.
Our beautiful friend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. As she has a husband and two young children, we wanted to do a little something that could help make things a tiny bit easier so we took dinner to them tonight. G made a card, wrote "Get well soon!" and knew to be very gentle with Mrs. Mel. We didn't think anything else about telling Gavin the reason why Mel is sick.
As we were driving down the road tonight, G says, "Why is she sick?" I start babbling about how she had a surgery that is similar to the one I had a few years ago, and G interrupts me, "I know, but what made her sick? What made her have to have surgery?"
How do you introduce Cancer to a sensitive 6 year old?
Mr. Spots and I both started babbling. I have no idea what he said, I said something like "she was a little sick so the doctors had to remove what was making her sick!" and then I changed the subject.
I know. I'm postponing it. But I know this kid.... I know he will worry about it, and I know Cancer will be mentioned until something else comes around for him to worry about. He's just like that. He has a sensitive heart and he will worry. So I avoided it. Again.
Only a few hours later, it almost came back up again.
I was tucking him into bed, giving him one last snuggle, when he said "I don't want you to leave." I said, "I know! But we are going to spend all day tomorrow and I'll be back in just a few days!" He asked me why I have to go, and then he said one little statement that hurt my heart: "We will need to be gentle with you."
I don't know if it's because of seeing Mrs. Mel tonight that reminded him of the recovery days, or if he just associates me going to NY for appointments as being something that may cause me pain, but he understands the seriousness of these trips.
I just can't introduce such a cruel disease to him just yet. He has seen enough of it without even knowing what it is. Can't I just protect him for a little longer?
Sigh.
On that note, I'm off to bed. It's that time again. That time being the time to fly back to New York for my next set of scans and treatment. Fingers crossed...
XO
Friday, June 7, 2013
Assumptions
I am guilty of making assumptions. We all are guilty of making assumptions. Even today when we're supposed to not stereotype everyone, sometimes we do. This brings me to a study I read that discusses the attitudes folks have towards lung cancer patients compared to breast cancer patients. While I'm sure everyone feels a version of sympathy for anyone going through pain, do people discriminate towards lung cancer patients? Do we assume that because a person has lung cancer, he was a smoker?
Have you ever asked a lung cancer patient, "Did you smoke?" I've been asked that a few times when I discuss my Grand Father dying from lung cancer. (And yes, he was a smoker.) We would never ask a breast cancer patient if she did something to her boobies to cause cancer. We would never ask a brain cancer patient what he did to his brain to get him in this situation. Yes, there are certain habits that can lead to a cancer diagnosis--hello! my tanning days!--but that's not always the case.
Take my friend Erin for example. She wasn't a sun worshiper, and I don't think she ever used a tanning bed, but here she is battling stage IV Melanoma.
It isn't always our fault.
Shit just happens sometimes.
(And seriously, I beat myself up enough about it as it is! I don't want a doctor discriminating against me because of a stupid habit I had years ago.)
Let's hope this study causes folks to take a step back and treat everyone equally. It definitely opened my eyes to my own assumptions!
Anywho, we are preparing to go to bed early on this Friday evening. Engagement pictures tomorrow! Then I have a few days of resting before I head back to NYC on Wednesday for my next set of scans and treatment. Yep, scanxiety has already hit!
Have a wonderful sun safe weekend!
The local cancer shop in my town.
The article on the study states, "There was significant evidence suggesting a stigma against lung cancer
and a strong negative attitude about the disease. And it turns out this
finding was consistent across all the different types of participants,
including doctors and patients. Although we’ve known for some time that
lung cancer is not always caused by smoking, there are clearly biases
remaining from this association in most of us – a "mental residue" of
sorts."
Interesting.
Have you ever asked a lung cancer patient, "Did you smoke?" I've been asked that a few times when I discuss my Grand Father dying from lung cancer. (And yes, he was a smoker.) We would never ask a breast cancer patient if she did something to her boobies to cause cancer. We would never ask a brain cancer patient what he did to his brain to get him in this situation. Yes, there are certain habits that can lead to a cancer diagnosis--hello! my tanning days!--but that's not always the case.
Take my friend Erin for example. She wasn't a sun worshiper, and I don't think she ever used a tanning bed, but here she is battling stage IV Melanoma.
It isn't always our fault.
Shit just happens sometimes.
(And seriously, I beat myself up enough about it as it is! I don't want a doctor discriminating against me because of a stupid habit I had years ago.)
Let's hope this study causes folks to take a step back and treat everyone equally. It definitely opened my eyes to my own assumptions!
Anywho, we are preparing to go to bed early on this Friday evening. Engagement pictures tomorrow! Then I have a few days of resting before I head back to NYC on Wednesday for my next set of scans and treatment. Yep, scanxiety has already hit!
Have a wonderful sun safe weekend!
Monday, June 3, 2013
Online Friends: They're Real To Me.
I was browsing CNN today during my break at work this afternoon when the headline "When a Facebook Friend Dies" caught my attention. I thought the article was going to discuss proper etiquette for those of us who use social media. Like many of us, I struggle with knowing what to say when there are no words that can truly provide comfort. I had to read the article.
Frida Ghitis writes about online friendships and the assumption that online friends can't possibly be real friends. She says, "I have often used quotation marks in the past when referring to a Facebook "friend" with more than a touch of sarcasm. Are Facebook connections really friends?"
Yep, I've used that sarcasm before. I used to roll my eyes when people talked about meeting friends online. How could you possibly know them? How can you form such an emotional connection with someone you've never met? Then I met my Mole-Mates.
While I will never have the opportunity to meet every single friend I've made in the melanoma community, I cherish their friendship. I enjoy hearing about their celebrations, their joy, their lives. My heart aches for them when life doesn't go as they wanted. They are friends to me in ways that some of the people I see on a daily basis will never be.
Ghitis explains it well, "Online, people express themselves with a special openness. They don't have to wait their turn to speak, and the ones with small voices or introverted personalities can convey big, profound, touching emotions. Online we can develop a kind of intimacy that eluded us in the nonvirtual world. On social media, we can share -- as Jim so often did -- big and small parts of our life, without worrying that others are too busy or simply not interested in hearing it."
These friendships built online saved me from the big scary unknown, Melanoma, and I'm grateful for them every single day.
Read the article.
http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/03/opinion/ghitis-facebook-friend-dies/index.html?hpt=hp_t4
Frida Ghitis writes about online friendships and the assumption that online friends can't possibly be real friends. She says, "I have often used quotation marks in the past when referring to a Facebook "friend" with more than a touch of sarcasm. Are Facebook connections really friends?"
Yep, I've used that sarcasm before. I used to roll my eyes when people talked about meeting friends online. How could you possibly know them? How can you form such an emotional connection with someone you've never met? Then I met my Mole-Mates.
While I will never have the opportunity to meet every single friend I've made in the melanoma community, I cherish their friendship. I enjoy hearing about their celebrations, their joy, their lives. My heart aches for them when life doesn't go as they wanted. They are friends to me in ways that some of the people I see on a daily basis will never be.
Ghitis explains it well, "Online, people express themselves with a special openness. They don't have to wait their turn to speak, and the ones with small voices or introverted personalities can convey big, profound, touching emotions. Online we can develop a kind of intimacy that eluded us in the nonvirtual world. On social media, we can share -- as Jim so often did -- big and small parts of our life, without worrying that others are too busy or simply not interested in hearing it."
These friendships built online saved me from the big scary unknown, Melanoma, and I'm grateful for them every single day.
Read the article.
http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/03/opinion/ghitis-facebook-friend-dies/index.html?hpt=hp_t4
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
A Little Girl's Dream
I was never the little girl who planned her wedding at the age of 10. I didn't know what kind of dress I wanted, had no clue (and I still don't!) what kind of flowers I wanted, or what song I wanted to dance to for our first dance. I just knew one thing: I would only marry a man I didn't want to live without and I wanted to find my wedding dress with the women in my family.
There was a time when I wasn't sure I'd get this day.
(Damn you, Melanoma!)
For as long as I can remember I've wanted that special moment that only happens to a gal once. You know, the moment that makes you cry while watching "Say Yes to the Dress!" I wanted that moment when my mom saw me in a veil for the first time. I wanted the moments when my sister nagged me to try on dresses I typically wouldn't wear. I dreamed of the moment I looked in the mirror and said "ah ha" while tears rolled down everyone's face.
I had that moment.
While I greatly wish everyone could have been with me, I had such a great day finding THE dress!
There was a time when I wasn't sure I'd get this day.
(Damn you, Melanoma!)
For as long as I can remember I've wanted that special moment that only happens to a gal once. You know, the moment that makes you cry while watching "Say Yes to the Dress!" I wanted that moment when my mom saw me in a veil for the first time. I wanted the moments when my sister nagged me to try on dresses I typically wouldn't wear. I dreamed of the moment I looked in the mirror and said "ah ha" while tears rolled down everyone's face.
I had that moment.
While I greatly wish everyone could have been with me, I had such a great day finding THE dress!
"I Found My Wedding Gown Today!"
My sister, my gran, me, my mom, my future MIL, and my bridesmaid!
(And yes, the dress I picked was one I told my sister I didn't want to try on! Go figure!)
I know I'm going to feel beautiful in my wedding dress, fair skin & all!
Monday, May 20, 2013
Hello Again!
Oh my gosh! This is the longest I've gone without posting. Did you think I had forgotten about you? I've been preoccupied with traveling to family functions, wedding planning, and T-Ball! I hope you've been keeping up with me on Facebook & Twitter because I have shared some great things!
I headed to Cambridge, Maryland earlier this month to be the guest speaker at Choptank's Trot for Melanoma. It was an emotional experience for me because last year I attended the walk in order to meet my molemate Lynette.
I headed to Cambridge, Maryland earlier this month to be the guest speaker at Choptank's Trot for Melanoma. It was an emotional experience for me because last year I attended the walk in order to meet my molemate Lynette.
This year I spoke of Lynette and her journey on Earth which ended in December 2012. While I tried, I couldn't get through my speech without tears. I miss her and her positive attitude. (While I haven't uploaded the speech yet, here is an article about the trot.) It was such a pleasure to hug Mike, Lynette's husband, and spend some time with him. Bryan and I had such a great time meeting them last year...It was a hard day for me, but not nearly as emotional as it had to have been for Mike.
2013's Cambridge Trot for Melanoma
Another great thing that has happened this Melanoma Awareness Month. One of my favorite molemates shared her experience with stage IV melanoma and she had our mutual oncologist in on it too! Please watch and share this great video! http://www.everydayhealth.com/skin-cancer/thinking-about-sitting-in-the-sun-think-again.aspx
What's new with you all? Everyone happy and healthy? I sincerely hope so!
Monday, May 6, 2013
Melanoma Monday
I have to say, Melanoma Monday was once again successful! Yes, there was a color war going on, but people talked about Melanoma. That's the most important thing! Talking leads to awareness. Awareness leads to early detection and prevention!
Here a few important things that happened today:
* Yahoo shared a great article about Melanoma
* Melanoma Girl shares her story!
* FDA considers attaching warning labels to tanning beds!
* And a big announcement: "Earlier today, in honor of melanoma Monday, L’Oreal Paris announced that over the next three years they will donate over $750,000 to Melanoma Research Alliance (MRA) to fund the new L’Oreal Paris-MRA Team Science Award, led by internationally renowned cancer researcher Dr. Meenhard Herlyn, to research ways to help prevent, cure and treat melanoma. They have also kicked off a campaign encouraging people to test their “Skin IQ” and reminding people that “skin cancer doesn’t care what color your skin is.” (Source.)
Yep, I think it was a great Melanoma Monday!
Here a few important things that happened today:
* Yahoo shared a great article about Melanoma
* Melanoma Girl shares her story!
* FDA considers attaching warning labels to tanning beds!
* And a big announcement: "Earlier today, in honor of melanoma Monday, L’Oreal Paris announced that over the next three years they will donate over $750,000 to Melanoma Research Alliance (MRA) to fund the new L’Oreal Paris-MRA Team Science Award, led by internationally renowned cancer researcher Dr. Meenhard Herlyn, to research ways to help prevent, cure and treat melanoma. They have also kicked off a campaign encouraging people to test their “Skin IQ” and reminding people that “skin cancer doesn’t care what color your skin is.” (Source.)
Yep, I think it was a great Melanoma Monday!
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