Breaking Traditions

Each year, on the eve of my cancerversary, I grab the book my best friend made for me that consists of letters from my fellow melanoma friends, a glass of wine, and I snuggle in for a good cry.

Not this year.

This year, year seven, was different....

This year, just a month prior to the seventh anniversary, my oncologist broke up with me.

I went in for my routine six month scans in December. I felt pretty good, no concerns at all, but I wasn't expecting the news my doctor gave me. He told me my scans were clear, that it had been almost seven years since my initial diagnosis, years from the last treatment, etc. As I sat there listening to him talk about what the team of melanoma specialists had discussed, I interrupted him and asked with a bit of panic in my voice, "Are you breaking up with me?" Like all men, he said I can still call him if I want, we can still be friends. (Bless this man for GETTING me.)

In typical Chelsea fashion, I didn't cry. I sat there pretty stunned. I might have laughed. I looked at my mom who was equally shocked. In seven years we've never once discussed the possibility of being discharged from his care. Even when he approved me for pregnancy, and then wondered why I wasn't pregnant yet (he was pro-baby for this girl!), I never once considered a life without scans. It all felt so surreal. To be honest, I don't think the reality of it will hit me until June rolls around which is when I would've been sent for follow-up CT scans. I hope I don't sound ungrateful. I am so incredibly thankful! I am excited! I am thrilled! I am SHOCKED! We never thought this day would arrive...and it's here.

Am I scared about no longer receiving CT scans? I don't know. I don't think I am. Because here's the thing...Those letters that I read from my melanoma friends on the eve of each cancervesary? Some of those friends are no longer here... Those people had the best care available to them, they fought like hell to stay on this earth, but they aren't here. I owe it to them -- to my friends -- to live.

So this year on my seventh anniversary of being diagnosed with melanoma, I stayed quiet. I didn't mention it to my family as we explored the Bahamas. I hugged my boys a little tighter and I said a silent thank you that this is my life. I know, I KNOW, how lucky I am.

I figured I'm overdue to share a few other pictures with you! Being a mama is everything. 

The sign says My Bucket List...exactly what he is. 

My bonus kid is growing up so quickly. He's the perfect big brother!

Right before I left for vacation I received this fun shirt from https://toptierstyle.com/

I'm not going to lie, I'm obsessed with it. 

The cat looks so innocent until you pull the pocket down...

then it feels exactly how I do towards melanoma. 

(The shirt itself is super comfy! Size up!)

(The cat giving the middle finger shirt in this review was provided by Top Tier Style. If you would like to purchase your own use the coupon code BLOG15 for 15% OFF everything on their store!)

I want to thank you all for following along with me over the last seven years. It's been quite the adventure, hasn't it?

Sending you love and good health! Wear sunscreen!

Chelsea

You Can Only Love Them

There once was a time – not that long ago – I thought I knew it all. I was so angry, so bitter, so scared, that I critiqued what people said to me. Instead of wrapping myself in the love sent with their comments, I thought of what they should have said. Like many others, I blogged about what you should say to cancer patients, I wrote about what not to say to cancer patients. I talked about the clichés used and how one should avoid them. I was such an angry know-it-all.

My blog friend, Tim, wrote a comment in 2011 that really struck home with me today as I reread it: “Unfortunately, almost ANYTHING someone says can be a problem depending on what my state of mind happens to be at that particular time.” How true is that? Why didn’t I realize that at the time?

In the last few years, and even this week, I’ve found myself in the position of not knowing what to say. Friends have suffered tragic losses and I’m left speechless. I’m thinking of the clichés. I’m considering not saying anything at all. I’m worried that my sentiment, my love, is not what will transfer and it will all sound insincere. This is ridiculous, you guys. I just want these people to know they are loved, that in their darkest days, THEY ARE LOVED.

So, here I am, many years later, asking for your apology for being an angry-know-it-all melanoma diva.

I know you meant well.

(Well, besides that lady in the post office. I’m not over that one.)

XO,

Chelsea

Life's Coincidences

When I'm not raising boys, building a business, or browsing social media like it is my job, I am a residency coordinator at a teaching hospital. I enjoy my job. It introduces me to all sorts of people, from all sorts of places. Seeing these medical students and residents learn, hearing their passion and enthusiasm, it gives me such hope for our future. These people are smart, y'all.

Recently I was making small talk with my new chief resident. Nothing out of the ordinary, small talk. I asked him about his interests, where he hopes to end up--surgical oncology--and his future plans. We're walking through a long tunnel and he says that he matched with a surgical oncology fellowship at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center and will be working with my Dr. Glinda.

Jaw dropped.

Readers from the early days know Dr. Glinda, AKA in real life as Dr. Charlotte Ariyan. I absolutely, positively adore her. Dr. Ariyan's kindness, intelligence, awesome surgical skills, and bed side manners made her a super hero in my book.

So, of course I had to tell this resident my story.

Now it was his turn to drop his jaw.  "You're very fair skin..I guess you take care of your skin?"

The conversation lead to the most recent research out of MSK: "The results of a new study indicate that immediate surgical removal of remaining lymph nodes does not improve survival compared with a watch-and-wait approach." It was very interesting to hear his thought process and then have him ask for my treatment experience and opinion.

If you have any doubt that research is benefiting melanoma patients, this is proof.  Dr. Ariyan co-authored this study. 6.5 years ago, Dr. Ariyan helped me reach the conclusion to have the surgery. OK, I shouldn't say she helped me reach the decision. She basically told me in her very kind way that it comes down to what I'm comfortable with. She explained that if we did the surgery, I would know if there was remaining cancer in my lymph nodes. That would change things in terms of available clinical trials and statistics. We sat in that examine room and talked about the many side effects that could occur if we choose to proceed with the surgery. She gave me the info...and then she talked to me like a friend.

I have no regrets about going through with the two full lymph node dissections. I'm one of the lucky ones. The lasting side effects are pretty much non-existent. How would I feel now if this research had been available then? I don't know.

Anyway...I love life's coincidences. Oh--and I have total faith in this resident. ...I just have no desire to see him in a non-educational setting. ;-)

Five Years Later

January 10, 2011

I didn't cry when the dermatologist told me the mole was melanoma. I left that appointment, made the calls to my family, and reassured everyone that we would proceed with the surgery, and everything would be fine. I vaguely remember saying something about how they surgeon would remove a little bit more and that would be that.

No one corrected me.

I didn't cry as the oncologist told me that melanoma had spread to lymph nodes on both sides of my body, in 3 out of the 4 areas, and to prepare myself that the PET scan would show that it had already spread to my organs. I asked for the treatment options. I heard that Interferon would be "enough" and I left the appointment.

I sobbed in my dad's arms in the backseat of the car while my mom and stepdad cried as they drove me back to my apartment.

My mom was determined enough wasn't good enough for her 23 year old daughter. Off to Memorial Sloan Kettering we went where I met "The Wizard" and "Glinda, The Good Witch." 

Another surgery.

I was healing in my hospital bed when my surgeon came into my room, sat on my bed, and told me that the FDA had approved Yervoy for melanoma stage IV patients. This was breaking news for the melanoma world. 

I cried--alone in the middle of a busy waiting room--when the surgeon told me that there was zero melanoma detected in the remaining lymph nodes that were removed during that surgery. Finally, some good news.

As my doctors at Memorial Sloan Kettering agreed there was no point in doing Interferon, I entered a three year clinical trial in May 2011.

 Round one

 Round 2, 3 weeks later

 Round 3, 3 weeks later

 

Round 4, 3 weeks later.

Then I got a break for 3 months.

January 2012:

I was fortunate that minus a few hiccups here and there, and the trips to New York for scans and treatment every 3 months, I was able to live like a normal 24 year old girl. I started a new job, I continued to date "Mr. Spots" and I lived my life. Oh, and I celebrated my one year Cancerversary thanks to my special friends.

I really jumped into advocating for melanoma awareness in 2012. I blogged. I tweeted. I facebooked. I was on Dr. Drew and Headline News, and I worked on a great program with the Skin Cancer Foundation. I put a lot of time, effort, and heart into sharing exactly what I was going through with hopes that it would cause someone to cancel their tanning membership. I was shocked how many did.

A major highlight from 2012 was the opportunity to speak at the Skin Cancer Foundation's Gala held at The Plaza Hotel. I shared my story to lovely people like Brooke Shields, Sam Champion, and the Real Housewives of New York. Intimidating, yes, but it was a night I will never forget.

2013:

Melanoma decided to reappear this year in March; however, thanks to my fantastic doctors, we caught it in the earliest stages.

I continued on with my clinical trial every 3 months.

I got engaged to "Mr.Spots!"

...and then I married him!

2014:

Once again, melanoma decided to sneak back onto my body; however, once again, my fantastic doctors caught it in the earliest stages.

The major thing that happened in 2014 was I completed the 3 year clinical trial! No more infusions!

2015: 

Thinking back to that day, January 10, 2011, the chief dermatologist asked me if I had children. When I replied no, the dermatologist made a comment that I would need to think about my family planning. I cried. Would I never have my own children? Would I never get the opportunity to feel the kicks and punches from the inside? Would my number one bucket item never be fulfilled?

Well, in July 2015, after many conversations with my oncology team, I found out the news: I am going to be a momma. 

30 weeks

I have 8 weeks left until I'm due to meet my precious baby boy, and I can already tell you, no child will be as loved.

Regarding my life with melanoma these days, celebrating my 5 year Cancerversary today is something I don't think I ever expected to do. I've lost so many friends in the last few years. I watch so many of my friends continue to struggle. I know firsthand how precious life is. Maybe that's why I'm determined to live to the best of my ability. I've backed off on advocating for melanoma awareness. I blogged once during 2015. I haven't shared the amazing advances in melanoma research. But I needed to live. For 4 years I lived and breathed melanoma. I enjoyed life, too, but I knew it was time for a break. I owed it to myself, my family and friends, and those no longer with us, to live life. Without melanoma.

No day is promised, there is no guarantee that the ugly beast won't reappear, but until it does, I'm going to keep on keepin' on.

And as always, thank you for your continued love, support, and friendship during this rollercoaster we call life.

 

Time To Go

"It was her time to go."

Source

Months ago with much help from the media, society decided to praise, bash, admire, and judge the young terminal brain cancer patient, Brittany Maynard, when she publicly shared her plan to end her life last fall. Many, myself included, praised Brittany for her courage in sharing such a controversial message to the world filled with varying (intense) opinions. Many, myself included, expressed admiration that Brittany could be so brave to end her own life, before cancer ended it for her. There was no getting better for Brittany. On October 9, 2014, Brittany said, "I'm not killing myself. Cancer is killing me. I'm choosing to go in a way that is less suffering and less pain."

I accepted it.

Fast forward to December 20, 2014. My phone rings, on Sunday morning around 8:20 AM, it's my boss. I could hear her crying before I put the phone up to my ear. My loyal co-worker and kind friend made the decision to end her life. I don't know why.

It's been almost 4 weeks and I am still having a hard time accepting it.

With Brittany, a stranger, I could understand why she would make the decision to end her life. She had researched her options, and the fact was, the cancer was going to take her slowly, painfully and surely. There was no one that could save her. Cancer was killing her. Brittany took control away from the cancer and died "with dignity" as she wished.

With Angela, I keep asking why. What did we miss? What made her pull the trigger? Why didn't we see she was in such pain? I know that is not fair of me to think. I know that mental illness and depression is a real thing, a thing like cancer, you sometimes can't see. But why can't I accept her death like I can Brittany's? That is not fair to Angela. It is selfish of me to need a reason why my lovely friend, the girl who was always ready to dance and laugh, ended her life. Quite frankly, why she decided to do it is none of my business. She had battles she kept perfectly hidden and she made a decision that we don't have to understand. Maybe, like Brittany, she decided to go in a way that was less suffering and less pain.

Brittany Maynard's husband said in the interview with TODAY, that Brittany spent her last day doing things she loved. According to my co-workers family, that's how Angela spent her last day. She went shopping with her mom, had dinner with her family, and watched a movie. Then, like Brittany, it was Angela's time to go.

It was her time to go...

And we have to accept it.

*Please, please, please, if you need help, please reach out to someone. 

There IS someone who will miss you tomorrow if you are no longer here.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

1-800-273-8255

 

Cancer Survivor

 

I couldn't sleep last night. I tossed. I turned. My husband probably thought a few times about pushing me out of the bed. I tossed and I turned some more. What would have me up at 2:30 A.M. in such a fit? The title "Cancer Survivor."

Some of you know that wearing the hat "Cancer Survivor" makes me cringe and quickly change the subject. To many people who have not battled melanoma, that probably seems ridiculous. After all, I've sat half naked on a cold exam room when the dermatologist mumbled those two words, "it's melanoma." I've seen the sympathy in the nuclear medicine tech's face as the radiologist informed me of the "hot spots" on a scan. I've looked an oncologist in the eyes as he told my then-boyfriend and I that melanoma would not kill me "right now." (And then I basically fired him.) I spent a month recovering from a brutal surgery only to have a more invasive surgery a month later that kept me in the hospital for 4 nights. I knowingly signed up for a 3 year clinical trial involving a placebo and a drug the doctors didn't know all that much about for stage 3 patients all because I didn't like my two other choices: "watch and wait" or Interferon.. I FINISHED the 3 year clinical trial with only a few bad memories. I've spent 3 and a half years of my time and effort sharing my story on every social media outlet in hopes of saving one person from making the poor decisions I've made. I've traveled to Richmond and met with committee members begging for them to protect Virginia's teens from the dangers of tanning beds. I went from having no scars on my body to having more than I can count. But I still cringe at being called a survivor. 

Why?

I am surviving. Every new mole, every swollen lymph node, every 3 months with the oncologist and dermatologist, we do what needs to be done to make sure we keep one step ahead of melanoma. And despite that, the sneaky beast has come back twice. So tonight, when I walk the stage with other cancer survivors at Cure By Design, I'm walking for all of my mole-mates who are no longer here to strut the stage. I'm walking in honor of my melanoma friends, many I've never met, as thanks for the love and support you continue to give me. I'm walking as a survivor because I know that's what they would want. I'm walking as a survivor because that's what I intend to do: survive.

To learn more about the Cure by Design event that sponsors the American Cancer Society or to donate in honor of your favorite cancer survivor, please click here.

Destination: Australia

You know how there are places on your bucket list that you want to see? Australia is on mine. Even before melanoma, I knew that I would need to be extremely careful in the Australian sun.

Australia is known for the highest rates of melanoma and they are also known as being way ahead of the United States in terms of sun safety. That's why when I received an email from Fiona  at http://truebluemigration.com/, I knew I wanted her to take over my blog for the day. We have a lot to learn here in the States! Read on... (And be sure to check out their infographic. It's SO good.)

View the entire Infographic here:

 

Australia’s Biggest Killer

The land down under is kind of infamous for its menagerie of venomous creatures. We hear horror stories of giant jellyfish. We see gruesome images of lightning-fast snakes, and fear bathroom-dwelling black widow spiders.

Yet despite this cornucopia of poisonous fangs and stingers, there is one killer in the Land of Oz that trumps them all. It’s often invisible to those who don’t know how to find it, and can attack people before they’re even aware that it’s there.

That killer is skin cancer.

Some Like it Hot

Australia is a pretty sunny place. If it seems like an obvious statement, that’s because it is, and if you’re planning your vacation there, it’s probably one of the main selling points.

As this handy infographic shows, average number of sunshine hours every year is 3,200, consistently reaching some staggering temperatures. On the southern coast of Australia, the average temperature in cities like Sydney and Melbourne weighs in at a balmy 26ºC (79ºF).

Further inland, however, these temperatures can climb all the way up to the Australian record of 50.7ºC - that’s 123ºF - a temperature that ravaged Alice Springs back in January 1960.

With such a scorching climate, you would assume that residents would have the common sense to apply a healthy coating or two of sunscreen, right?

Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the case.

The Facts

Doctors in Australia have more than one million patient consultations for skin cancers every single year. In fact, skin cancer accounts for 80 percent of new cancer cases in the country.

The collective quantity of incidences of cancers like Bowen’s disease, carcinomata and melanoma shows that the country has one of the highest skin cancer rates in the world. In 2011, over 2,000 people tragically died from skin cancer in Australia, most of which were preventable.

And the primary culprit? The sun. Up to 99 percent of all skin cancer cases are caused by exposure to the sun.

But, in the words of The Jackson 5, “don’t blame it on the sunshine”. You can - and should - enjoy the glorious weather of the South Pacific if you can, as long as you take the appropriate measures before doing so.

How You Can Stay Safe

So many people make a big deal out of the “effort” they have to make to stay safe in the sun. But it’s easy. Just remember these three important things:

Sunscreen - be sure to apply one ounce of high SPF sunscreen every time you apply, which should be three or four times a day in the summer.

Stay hydrated - and no, dipping in the pool doesn’t count. Drink plenty of water to stop your body and skin drying out, which could otherwise increase your risk of sunburn.

Get out of the sun every now and then - no matter how much water you drink and how much sunscreen you douse yourself in, you’ll still burn if you’re in the sun too long. If your skin feels hot, go inside until it cools down. If you’re at the beach, pack a hat or umbrella; statistics show that a wide-brimmed hat can reduce UV radiation exposure by 50 percent.

Staying safe in the sun does not ruin holidays; it makes them. If you’re protected and sensible, you and your family can enjoy Australia’s gorgeous weather care-free.

 

Thank you, Fiona, for educating us all. I hope to use these tips in mind when I get to cross Visiting Australia off of my non-existent bucket list! Until then, I know I can follow them here!  Be sure to view their Infographic and share it: http://blog.truebluemigration.com/cope-australian-sun-infographic/

Chasing Life

"...I didn't see a wealthy businessman or a candidate seeking office standing before me. I saw a father and I recognized that look in his eyes, that terrible fear because I've seen that same fear in my own mother's eyes, in my grandma's eyes, in my baby sister's eyes, because I have cancer, too. And let me tell you, it's a bitch. And it's an equal opportunity offender. No amount of money, no amount of privilege can make you exempt. ...And when it chooses you, you're suddenly thrust into a club you didn't choose to join, you're shipped off to war even though you never enlisted in the army, but you have to put on your armor anyway, and know that if you are lucky, you'll discover new sides of yourself like a will you never knew you had. And you'll get to see new sides of the people who matter the most to you in the world as they wrap you in their warmth and lend you their strength when yours is running low. And then you go off, you fight, you fight like hell because, really, what other choice do you have?" 
-Chasing Life

...So did anyone else sob their way through the latest episode of Chasing Life? I needed to share this quote with you before I forget about it. I'm heading back to NYC on Thursday for updated scans and an oncologist visit. May was my last infusion so this will be the first set of scans I've had post completion of the 3 year clinical trial. Fingers crossed it's a completely boring visit.

Hope you're all well. I'll update soon, I promise.

XO