Daily Sunscreen Confession From A Melanoma Girl

Do you use sunscreen every day? I mean, every single day you step foot outside? Not just beach day, not just days at the ball field, not just for your run. I mean, every single day your skin is exposed to the environment.



I know. I'm cringing because I know the truth. I didn't either.



But that all changed.



Over the years I have often admitted how little I like sunscreen. I hate the way it feels under my make-up. I hate the way it smells. I hate the way it seems to get on EVERYTHING. I hate feeling sticky!



Then my best friend gave me her Rodan + Fields sunscreen.



Game changer.



Really, I know how uneducated, stupid, and down right lazy it is for me, the melanoma girl, to go without sunscreen. I justified it because I was just driving to work, I was just going to the store, I was just taking a short walk. I gave myself excuses because I didn't want to have to take a second shower to wash the gross feeling of sunscreen from my skin. I knew better... but I went without anyway.

I was suspicious of Rodan + Fields. Honestly, I was suspicious of anything I saw sold on Facebook. I was a complete direct sales snob. SNOB! That also changed when I started using their products.

cdawson4.myrandf.com





The daily sunscreen, SPF 30, is light weight, goes on like a moisturizer, and doesn't make me feel like I'm wearing sunscreen. It has a light smell that quickly fades. In no way does it feel like I'm wearing sunscreen! It's great for errands, every single day, and play time outside!
(I prefer to use something with Zinc Oxide when I know I'm going to be outside for HOURS! Think is a new favorite brand of mine! I absolutely adore ThinkBaby and that's what I use on my toddler!)



Now let me tell you about my all-time favorite facial sunscreen:
Soothe sunscreen, SPF 30, contains Zinc Oxide! It is SO lightweight, it goes on perfectly, and make-up goes on flawlessly on top of it! Typically when I apply make-up over a sunscreen, my make-up does not work. It looks cakey (is that a word?), and just gross! Not with Soothe. Oh, and it's for sensitive skin!!! I use it--with pediatrician approval--on my toddler's face!

My second favorite sunscreen is the Reverse sunscreen, SPF 50! A little thicker than Soothe, my make-up still goes on perfectly! This is not the norm for me. I would depend on foundation with SPF in it to prevent from wearing sunscreen. Not any more!



Because I use my regimens every single day, I NEVER, EVER go without sunscreen now. I know what you're thinking. Shouldn't being diagnosed with melanoma changed that for me? It did. ...but vanity sometimes won, in terms of facial sunscreen.



I know I may get some flack for this, and I get it. I'm living with stage 3 melanoma. I shouldn't be vain. I KNOW. but I'm still a 30 year old gal... I'm still a little vain.

I had been using the products for 8 months when it occurred to me I was telling everyone else to use them! I've been suggesting skin care products to people for 6.5 years on this blog. I've finally decided to try to make a business from my suggestions. I am proud and super excited to announce to you all that I am a Rodan + Fields consultant! A company that stresses the importance of sun safety AND delivers premium products that help you stay sun safe? YES! Why didn't I think of this years ago?!



I hope you will join me in this new journey. I am so excited for you to try these products, especially my favorite sunscreens!


cdawson4.myrandf.com

And one more picture of my sweet boy...because...BECAUSE. ;-)

Be well. XOXO!
Chelsea

Five Years Later

January 10, 2011

I didn't cry when the dermatologist told me the mole was melanoma. I left that appointment, made the calls to my family, and reassured everyone that we would proceed with the surgery, and everything would be fine. I vaguely remember saying something about how they surgeon would remove a little bit more and that would be that.

No one corrected me.

I didn't cry as the oncologist told me that melanoma had spread to lymph nodes on both sides of my body, in 3 out of the 4 areas, and to prepare myself that the PET scan would show that it had already spread to my organs. I asked for the treatment options. I heard that Interferon would be "enough" and I left the appointment.

I sobbed in my dad's arms in the backseat of the car while my mom and stepdad cried as they drove me back to my apartment.

My mom was determined enough wasn't good enough for her 23 year old daughter. Off to Memorial Sloan Kettering we went where I met "The Wizard" and "Glinda, The Good Witch." 

Another surgery.

I was healing in my hospital bed when my surgeon came into my room, sat on my bed, and told me that the FDA had approved Yervoy for melanoma stage IV patients. This was breaking news for the melanoma world. 

I cried--alone in the middle of a busy waiting room--when the surgeon told me that there was zero melanoma detected in the remaining lymph nodes that were removed during that surgery. Finally, some good news.

As my doctors at Memorial Sloan Kettering agreed there was no point in doing Interferon, I entered a three year clinical trial in May 2011.

 Round one

 Round 2, 3 weeks later

 Round 3, 3 weeks later

 

Round 4, 3 weeks later.

Then I got a break for 3 months.

January 2012:

I was fortunate that minus a few hiccups here and there, and the trips to New York for scans and treatment every 3 months, I was able to live like a normal 24 year old girl. I started a new job, I continued to date "Mr. Spots" and I lived my life. Oh, and I celebrated my one year Cancerversary thanks to my special friends.

I really jumped into advocating for melanoma awareness in 2012. I blogged. I tweeted. I facebooked. I was on Dr. Drew and Headline News, and I worked on a great program with the Skin Cancer Foundation. I put a lot of time, effort, and heart into sharing exactly what I was going through with hopes that it would cause someone to cancel their tanning membership. I was shocked how many did.

A major highlight from 2012 was the opportunity to speak at the Skin Cancer Foundation's Gala held at The Plaza Hotel. I shared my story to lovely people like Brooke Shields, Sam Champion, and the Real Housewives of New York. Intimidating, yes, but it was a night I will never forget.

2013:

Melanoma decided to reappear this year in March; however, thanks to my fantastic doctors, we caught it in the earliest stages.

I continued on with my clinical trial every 3 months.

I got engaged to "Mr.Spots!"

...and then I married him!

2014:

Once again, melanoma decided to sneak back onto my body; however, once again, my fantastic doctors caught it in the earliest stages.

The major thing that happened in 2014 was I completed the 3 year clinical trial! No more infusions!

2015: 

Thinking back to that day, January 10, 2011, the chief dermatologist asked me if I had children. When I replied no, the dermatologist made a comment that I would need to think about my family planning. I cried. Would I never have my own children? Would I never get the opportunity to feel the kicks and punches from the inside? Would my number one bucket item never be fulfilled?

Well, in July 2015, after many conversations with my oncology team, I found out the news: I am going to be a momma. 

30 weeks

I have 8 weeks left until I'm due to meet my precious baby boy, and I can already tell you, no child will be as loved.

Regarding my life with melanoma these days, celebrating my 5 year Cancerversary today is something I don't think I ever expected to do. I've lost so many friends in the last few years. I watch so many of my friends continue to struggle. I know firsthand how precious life is. Maybe that's why I'm determined to live to the best of my ability. I've backed off on advocating for melanoma awareness. I blogged once during 2015. I haven't shared the amazing advances in melanoma research. But I needed to live. For 4 years I lived and breathed melanoma. I enjoyed life, too, but I knew it was time for a break. I owed it to myself, my family and friends, and those no longer with us, to live life. Without melanoma.

No day is promised, there is no guarantee that the ugly beast won't reappear, but until it does, I'm going to keep on keepin' on.

And as always, thank you for your continued love, support, and friendship during this rollercoaster we call life.

 

She Asked For It

So it was just this week that I blogged about how I don't pressure those around me--well, not co-workers or almost strangers--into protecting their skin. I post what I have to say online, I share my story once I'm comfortable with you, and that's that. I don't comment on your obvious sunburn. I don't let you know I notice your brand new tan in the month of January when you haven't been on vacation. I smile and treat you just like I treat every other person. I'm not going to let my personal feelings towards tanning change the way I treat a person. Point is, I keep my mouth shut. No lectures.

(But I do post stuff like this.

Often.)

However, sometimes, situations just walk in to your office fall into your lap.

Today one of my co-workers began walking down the hallway, pushing one of the young X-RAY students towards my office. I knew, just by looking at which student he had by the shoulders shoving towards me, what was about to happen. "You need to talk to her, Chelsea." I started shaking my head, "No. I saw her tan. It's her body. I'm not going to lecture her." "You need to talk to her." He stood there, with his hands on her shoulders, preventing her from walking away. I was determined to be nice to this young girl who I don't even know by name and just give her the sweet smile, followed by the, "You really shouldn't tan" comment. But then she looked at me directly in my eyes and said, "I go to the tanning bed all the time."

I don't know what happened. I don't know why I let the poor girl have it like I did, but by the end of it, my hands and my voice were shaking. I don't have the slightest idea what I really said, but let's just say it went something like this:

Student: "I go to the tanning bed all the time."
Me, in a shitty voice: "You can go to my chemo sessions with me too."
Student: "No thanks."
Me: "And you're a RED HEAD! You're basically just asking for it!!!!!"
Student: "Stoooooooooooooop."
Co-Worker: "We've been telling her that she needs to stop. It's so bad for her!"
Me: "AND YOU'RE A RED HEAD!!!!!!! Statistically you're a walking melanoma patient!!!"
Student: "Stooooooooooooop."
Me: "Do you know that they said I had a 50% chance of being here in five years?"
Student: "Stooooooooooooooooooooooop."
Me: "If you don't catch it in time, it's not like you can just cut it out. There is no cure."
Student: "Stooooop."
Me: "The World Health Organization classifies UV rays from tanning beds as a class 1 carcinogen, just like tobacco. You might as well start smoking."
Student: "Guys, stooooooooooooop."
Me: "You have to know how bad it is for you. With all of the research that is available, every time you turn on the news they are talking about it. You have to know."
Student: "I obsess with sunscreen every time I'm outside!"
Me: "WHAT'S THE POINT?! 10 minutes in the tanning bed is just like spending 8 hours in the sunlight without sunscreen. What's the point in obsessing with sunscreen if you turn around and go to the tanning bed?"
Student: "I like the way it looks."
Me: "But that's the other thing! IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD! It makes you look old!"
(This is when two of my co-workers chimed in with the changes they've seen in their skin after years in the sun.)
Student: "Stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooop."

And the convo went something like that. The student never said she would consider what I yelled said, but she did thank me. So while I doubt she'll cancel her tanning membership any time soon, I doubt there will be a time in the near future when she doesn't think about the mean girl in the scheduling office who told her that her tan isn't pretty.

(I swear, I wasn't trying to be mean. I realized right away that my tone of voice was abrupt, I was harsh, I said things that I usually only write because they are hard for people to hear, and I let her have it. I don't know why. It just came out! She is such a beautiful young girl with her whole future ahead of her and I hate to think about what she may face in her future.)

Maybe tomorrow, if she'll make eye contact with me, I will apologize for being a bully and encourage her to make better life decisions. Not only for her benefit, but because I don't want to be seen as the mean melanoma girl who throws scary info at the first tan girl that gets brought into her office.

Eh, whatever.

She asked for it.

;-)

(A big thanks to my co-worker who raised some serious melanoma awareness today! I appreciate you!)

Pointing Fingers

I was browsing my Newsfeed this afternoon when I noticed a post shared by Stand Up To Cancer: "People who use a tanning salon before age 35 increase their risk of melanoma by 75%, according to the CDC. These gloomy winter months, please tell your loved ones: an artificial tan is not worth the very real price." (This article was also posted: Tanning beds used by more than a third.)

How right they are to remind folks the danger of tanning during these gloomy months! I'll admit, when it was -10 degrees, the memories of heading to the tanning salon to warm up did flash in my head! Ah, the warmth! It isn't often that Stand Up To Cancer posts anything regarding skin cancer and melanoma so it was a great reminder to see.

I started browsing the comments, impressed that so many people voiced their support of tan-free skin. Then I came across this one comment that actually made me stop what I was doing: "Being a cancer survivor an having no choice in the matter. I have no sympathy for people who fake bake an then they whine when they end up with cancer" (Directly copied & pasted from Stand Up To Cancer's Facebook page.)

Hold up.

Stop a minute.

"I have no sympathy"
"Whine when they end up with cancer"

Did this dude, a cancer survivor, really say that because people make poor decisions during their lives, they shouldn't feel grief when they are faced with those consequences?

I reread it. Yep, that's what he said. (This must be what smokers feel like after being diagnosed with lung cancer. Ouch.)

I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he just picked an insensitive way to respond. So I responded to him: "I don't think you'll find many of us in the melanoma community who expect people to hear us "whine" after we participated in activities that may have caused us to battle a horrifying and incurable cancer. You WILL hear us share our stories with hopes that others learn from our mistakes. Please be careful what you say. Melanoma is like lung cancer. We aren't ALL "at fault" for our diagnosis."

In my opinion, telling a melanoma patient who used to tan, "Sorry, idiot. You dug your own grave" is like looking at a lung cancer patient who used to smoke and saying "Shit happens. You picked up the cigarettes. Deal with it." Yes, both of statements may be true, but would we really say that to someone? 

Would we really blame them for their cancer?

This fella responded to the comments: "Did u read my post all the way through. I said people that use tanning beds know the cosequences before they ever step foot in one. Why be shocked when people lay in one countless times a week ?? I never said anything about snyone who got melanoma any other way." (Again, this was copied & pasted directly from Stand Up To Cancer's Facebook.) 

So this got me thinking. It's 2014, can we really claim to be uneducated about the dangers of tanning beds?

I didn't even have to turn to Google right away. I thought back to my morning commute into work. I was listening to the radio when a commercial came on promoting Tan for Free at the local tanning salon. At the very end of the commercial, the lady says, "Please tan responsibly." 

Then I turned to Google to browse:

-In 2012, Dr. Mercola said, "High-quality indoor tanning devices are safe if you precisely follow the simple guideline of never getting burned" (Read the full article here.)

-Salons continuously state the "health benefits" associated with year long tanning. There's even a full website called Tanning Truth that explains the perks of using these coffin like beds. Then there's salons like this one who have a full page listing reasons why you should tan. This one particular salon even states that you should tan indoors rather than outside. (To view their list of crap, you can click here.)

-During an interview with PBS NewsHour, Bridget Huber, who wrote this awesome article I was thrilled to be included in, stated that the indoor tanning association believes groups like the American Cancer Society and dermatologists have scared people into thinking that the sun and tanning beds will cause cancer. Huber stated, the tanning industry believes "these groups are possibly killing more people than tobacco did by causing what they portray as a deadly epidemic of vitamin D deficiency."

-Who is at the highest rate of believing the lies tanning salons spread: Teenagers. Nearly 30% of teenage girls are using tanning beds. (Source.)

-According to this salon, "Scientists have not found any indication that moderate and responsible indoor tanning over an extended period of time causes skin damage. It is important that you follow the recommended exposure based on the tanning unit used and your skin type. Skin damage, including skin cancer, could occur if a person overexposes the skin to UV."

-"Tanning beds are the best source of vitamin D." C'mon, don't act like you haven't heard that over and over again.

I could go on and on and on--I won't, because I want to watch Sunday's episode of Downton Abbey--but you get the point. It's 2014 and tanning salons are still pushing the benefits of indoor tanning. While some adults may have learned that the salons are just trying to make a buck, 30% of teenagers are still subjecting themselves to the class 1 carcinogens. Until minors are outlawed from making the decision to tan, they will continue. It's only natural. We still live in a society that values golden skin. More than anyone, teenagers are influenced by society. Of course they are going to continue to tan if they are allowed. The threat of cancer? That's years away.

Back to my original point, Do we know the risks when we step foot in a tanning bed? Should we be blamed for our cancer since we did tan? Should we forfeit our right to "whine" since we put ourselves in this position?

I responded to his post:

"But do they really know the consequences? That's pretty bold to say since tanning salons shove the "benefits of responsible tanning" down your throat. I began tanning at age 14--the law allowed this--because I wanted to be pretty in my prom dress. All the other kids did it, why shouldn't I? I tanned off and on until I was 21. It was right around that time that I figured that maybe tanning beds weren't great for me. I cancelled my membership and never stepped foot in one again. 2 years later, I was diagnosed with stage 3 malignant melanoma. I know that my immature and uneducated decisions more than likely caused me to be diagnosed with an incurable cancer at age 23, but what can I do about it now? I can "whine." I can share my scar pictures. I can advocate to our local government about why we need to protect our minors against these beds. I can do what needs to be done so that another young girl does not make the same poor decisions I made. But, I will not be suck it up and be quiet just because I did this to myself."

I've met melanoma friends who never used a tanning bed. I've had to say goodbye to friends who never had a sunburn. These people had no control over their cancers, just like an ovarian cancer patient has no control over hers. Some would say I have no right to bitch about my cancer. I did it to myself. 

Here's the thing, Mr. Internet Man, no one will ever beat me up as much as I beat myself up. 

I did the deed and now I will always pay the price. I get it. I also get that this guy probably wishes he could do anything in his power to prevent his cancer. I understand he may be in pain, he may still be emotionally healing, he may never understand how one could make such a decision that could risk their life. I respect that pain. I understand that pain. But here's the other thing: cancer's a bitch, no matter how you get it and no matter what kind you get. Even if I did bring it upon myself, I still want to fight it. I still deserve to fight it.

 So while this fella may never understand the importance of sharing our stories--whining for our cause--I will continue to do so because it's just so obvious how much work still needs to be done.

Sigh.

Worth 1000 Words

"You look good today, but underneath it's not pretty.

Use sunscreen, protective clothing, and common sense."

Girl Talk: Skin Care Version 2.0

Y'all know I'm a fan of sunscreen.

You also know I hate tanning beds.

When given the opportunity to participate in a link-up

that will possibly open the eyes of other young women,

you know I have to do it.

Plus, I can never turn down an opportunity for girl talk!

1) What's your daily skincare routine?

     I wash my face twice a day with Clearasil Daily Face Wash. My skin is super sensitive and it's the only face wash that doesn't cause me to break out in a rash. I've tried...trust me! ;-)  Depending on what my skin is doing that day--it goes from kind-of oily to dry--I apply DDF weightless defense oil-free hydrator that has SPF 45 and Ole Henrisken Total Truth eye creme. I fell in love with Ole Henrisken after the eye creme was included in the Skin Cancer Foundation's goodie bags at the gala!

2) A skin product you could never live without?

    Sunscreen. My doctors would probably personally kill me if I showed up in their offices with a sunburn! Oh, and face wash...I can't sleep until the make-up and yuckiness of the day is off my face!

3) Have you ever used a tanning bed?

   Yes, I loved being tan. I started tanning when I was 14 and continued to tan before all major events until I was 21. The last event I tanned for was my college graduation. When I met my oncologist for the first time he said I was not the typical melanoma patient. I have no family history, I have dark hair and dark eyes, and I do not have a history of bad sunburns. 

Then the convo went like this:

Oncologist: "Do/did you use tanning beds?"

Me: "Yes."

Oncologist: "Ah..."

Ironically, I stopped tanning at age 21 when I realized it wasn't worth the risks. Sadly, I had already done the damage and was diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma at age 23.

The Tanning Days

The Cancer Days

4) Thoughts on spray tanning?

    It isn't for me. Having said that, I would much rather my friends go get spray tanned than step foot in a tanning bed! I feel like going to get a spray tan after everything I have been through and will continue to go through for the rest of my life totally goes against the message I'm trying to share. Plus, haven't you heard, "Simply put, paleness equals class. And it's sexy."

5) Favorite brand on sunscreen?

   I'm a big fan of Aveeno. It's great for my sensitive skin!

6) Biggest skincare splure?

    I use Bare Minerals so I do splurge on that every few months. I don't mind spending money on quality products. I've been lucky that I've been able to try a lot of high priced items firsthand before actually purchasing them! I will definitely buy Ole Henriksen's Total Truth again and again!

7) Celebrity with the most perfect skin?

     Have you seen the celebrities lately? The majority of them have stunning-PALE-skin! 

8) Feature you're most self-conscious about?

   Probably my teeth! I can tell they are shifting!

9) What do you think about botox?

     I make 1030232 facial expressions per day.  already have laugh lines. They remind me of happy moments. Ask me again in 10 more years! Ha! 

10) I feel most confident when...

    I'm wearing a tiara! Duh!

             (Thanks, Rev. Carol!)

"Melanoma Survivor...

And I plan on staying one!"

   

I hope you'll link-up and share your skin care routines too!

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