Breaking Traditions

Each year, on the eve of my cancerversary, I grab the book my best friend made for me that consists of letters from my fellow melanoma friends, a glass of wine, and I snuggle in for a good cry.

Not this year.

This year, year seven, was different....

This year, just a month prior to the seventh anniversary, my oncologist broke up with me.

I went in for my routine six month scans in December. I felt pretty good, no concerns at all, but I wasn't expecting the news my doctor gave me. He told me my scans were clear, that it had been almost seven years since my initial diagnosis, years from the last treatment, etc. As I sat there listening to him talk about what the team of melanoma specialists had discussed, I interrupted him and asked with a bit of panic in my voice, "Are you breaking up with me?" Like all men, he said I can still call him if I want, we can still be friends. (Bless this man for GETTING me.)

In typical Chelsea fashion, I didn't cry. I sat there pretty stunned. I might have laughed. I looked at my mom who was equally shocked. In seven years we've never once discussed the possibility of being discharged from his care. Even when he approved me for pregnancy, and then wondered why I wasn't pregnant yet (he was pro-baby for this girl!), I never once considered a life without scans. It all felt so surreal. To be honest, I don't think the reality of it will hit me until June rolls around which is when I would've been sent for follow-up CT scans. I hope I don't sound ungrateful. I am so incredibly thankful! I am excited! I am thrilled! I am SHOCKED! We never thought this day would arrive...and it's here.

Am I scared about no longer receiving CT scans? I don't know. I don't think I am. Because here's the thing...Those letters that I read from my melanoma friends on the eve of each cancervesary? Some of those friends are no longer here... Those people had the best care available to them, they fought like hell to stay on this earth, but they aren't here. I owe it to them -- to my friends -- to live.

So this year on my seventh anniversary of being diagnosed with melanoma, I stayed quiet. I didn't mention it to my family as we explored the Bahamas. I hugged my boys a little tighter and I said a silent thank you that this is my life. I know, I KNOW, how lucky I am.

I figured I'm overdue to share a few other pictures with you! Being a mama is everything. 

The sign says My Bucket List...exactly what he is. 

My bonus kid is growing up so quickly. He's the perfect big brother!

Right before I left for vacation I received this fun shirt from https://toptierstyle.com/

I'm not going to lie, I'm obsessed with it. 

The cat looks so innocent until you pull the pocket down...

then it feels exactly how I do towards melanoma. 

(The shirt itself is super comfy! Size up!)

(The cat giving the middle finger shirt in this review was provided by Top Tier Style. If you would like to purchase your own use the coupon code BLOG15 for 15% OFF everything on their store!)

I want to thank you all for following along with me over the last seven years. It's been quite the adventure, hasn't it?

Sending you love and good health! Wear sunscreen!

Chelsea

Drawing a Line

For the first year I kept this blog I accepted every single person who sent me a friend request on Facebook. Here's an obvious fact: Accepting every single person who sends you a friend request, even when you don't know them, is a bad decision, especially if you post about your private life.

So, I began to draw a line. I created my blog Facebook page, I attempted a Twitter page, and I began unfriending people I don't know in 'real' life.

I still struggle with that line because I really don't like to hurt feelings or act like I'm snubbing my Molemates. But sometimes people are not genuine, and it's really easy for people to sit behind a computer and bully others. So, the line has to remain.

In the last year I've really tried to separate myself. It's not just me anymore. There's my husband and my step son to consider. So, here's what I'm saying: I'm not trying to be mean by not accepting friend requests on my personal Facebook page. I am not turning my back on you or being a selective snob. I just truly feel that I put myself out there publicly enough with this blog, Twitter, and my blog's Facebook page, that it is OK and NEEDED to keep a little bit of my private life private. I do enjoy sharing melanoma stories via email though! I LOVE meeting fellow warriors & their families!  I just want something that is for me, Chelsea, the wife, the step-mom, the VA employee.

I hope you guys understand.

I hope your 2014 is starting out beautifully! XO!

The Fast Moving Rollercoaster: 2013.

How can it already be the eve of a new year? It has been a year of so many life changing moments!

Let me break it down for you in pictures:

 

Emily Giffin, my favorite autor, tweeted me regarding my efforts to raise melanoma awareness.

Yes, this is life changing. ;-)

 

 

I celebrated my 2 year Cancerversary in January!

It was a quiet night with my boyfriend where I found comfort in this quote:

 

"But understand this: my commitment to living in the now means

I'll never ever say that I've beaten cancer.

To do so would be living in the "tomorrow," if you will,

and melanoma is far too erratic an opponent to go around making predictions.

But I can tell you for sure that I'll never give in to it.

Life is too precious to give it up

without giving everything you've got -- now."

Dr. Jack Ramsay.

 

I traveled to Richmond, Virginia, to testify about my experience with melanoma.

Sadly, the bill was tabled, but it was a learning experience for me, and I feel certain

that folks in Virginia, including myself, will still continue to try to get a law passed that would protect our minors.

 



 

In March, Melanoma decided to reappear.

Luckily, I caught it right away, went to the dermatologist within days.

The mole was diagnosed as an in-situ melanoma.

This caused a lot of drama with the doctors in New York as they were unsure

of how to classify this new melanoma. Was I kicked out of the clinical trial?

 

Nope, it was decided that this new melanoma did not mean

 I couldn't continue with the clinical trial.

Since the melanoma was surgically removed, I was once again showing no evidence of disease.

 

I got a visit in with my melanoma sister, Julie!

 

 

We got engaged!

Mr. Spots is quite romantic.

 

I spoke at the Cambridge, Maryland, Choptank's Trot for Melanoma!

I was joined by family and friends.

The only person missing was my dear friend Lynette. Oh, I missed her.

 

 

I fulfilled a dream: I found my wedding dress.

 

I made my guy suffer through engagement pictures! ;-)

 

 

I was listed as #2 on the Top 10 Skin Cancer Bloggers!

 

 

My family and friends held 2 wonderful bridal showers for me!

 

I met this wonderful online friend, Susan, in person!

 

I met Heidi Klum!

 

I chatted with Giada De Laurentiis about melanoma!

 

Her brother passed from Melanoma when he was 32.

 

I married Mr. Spots.

(This was, by far, my most favorite day. Ever.)

 

 

And then we learned that melanoma may be back.

 

So many memories, so many life changing moments.

 

I can only wonder what 2014 has in store for us!

 

My hope for you is that 2014 brings you health, love, and happiness!

 

See ya next year!

 

 

 

 

 



Moments.

I had a moment this morning. You know, one of those moments that you're almost embarrassed to tell anyone about because it's so out of character for you. One of those moments where you say to yourself, "OK. Get it together, girl!" Yeah, I had one today.

 I was driving out of my neighborhood this morning when I had to stop for a school bus. I sat there and watched a family prepare to send their baby girl to school. It was obviously her first day of kindergarten. She had her big book bag, both parents, and her baby sister cheering her on. The parents put her on the bus, the school bus driver sat there while they waved to each other, then the doors closed and baby girl was off for her first day of school. The parents continued to wave for a few seconds, and before I could even drive away, both parents started crying. Both of them, in the middle of their yard, sobbing. Naturally, I started crying too. It was like watching a damn Hallmark commercial. (Seriously wish I had recorded it for the family. It was special.)

Ah, special moments...

...Moments I want to have one day.

Thinking back on this special moment  made me remember I haven't shared my special moment with you! My bridal shower last weekend!

 My mom came in on Friday night as a complete surprise to me

as I thought she had to work!

I should have known,

mom doesn't miss milestones!

 My awesome cupcake dress cake!

(Thanks, baby sister!!)

With the amazing hosts:

 my baby sister Cara,

and the gal who introduced me to my future husband!

They threw a great--totally me--shower!

Apparently there is an old wives tale that says the amount of bows

you break indicates how many children you will have.

The one bow I broke--even though I tried not to--

was on the present my future husband wrapped!

How appropriate.

And hilarious.

I can't wait to use these October 18th!

It was such a special weekend. My mom was in town, my mom's best friend from Canada drove in for the shower, Mr. Spots' family joined us, and a few women who are special to me joined us for a great shower. It was personal, relaxed, and sweet. Absolutely perfect.

It was a day I once wondered if I would get.

When the reality of cancer started sinking after they diagnosed me with stage 3 malignant melanoma, everything I may not get to do ran through my head. Days when my anxiety levels are high--cough SCAN DAYS--cough--It still runs through my head. Would I get to marry my guy? Would I be a Momma? Would I get to grow old? 

To be able to marry my guy on October 18th really will be a blessing for so many reasons.

Non-existent bucket list item, Marry the love of my life, will be complete.

...and I can't wait.

The Balancing Act

Pinterest

It was only a few months ago that I was directed to a blog post that had been written about me. In that post the blogger said I need to move on with my life and stop writing about my experience. I needed to stop trying to get attention for something that happened years ago. I needed to move "the fu*k on" according to this fellow blogger. I didn't write about the post then because the blog was an immature example of the internet bullying that many of us have sadly experienced. However, I thought back to her post this weekend when I realized how out of the loop I am sometimes in the melanoma community.

While I try to update this blog from time to time I am much better these days at quickly uploading the latest melanoma article or a quote that hits home for me on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. I sometimes take a break from reading fellow warriors blogs. I don't always check my blog email the very next day. There are times I try to take a full fledged break--it doesn't last long--from Facebook because I need to live my life melanoma free for a while. It does not mean that I don't care about my fellow warriors or don't want to participate in all things melanoma; however, it takes an emotional toll to be too consumed every single day. This sounds incredibly selfish but I've had to be picky when it comes to what groups and events I want to be a part of because when I'm in, I'm fully in, and all of my emotions become invested. 

This isn't always a good thing for me.

I guess what hurt me the most about the post is that there was a time I was fully consumed by melanoma! Every single day I was writing about it. Every single day I was sharing my deepest fears with each and every melanoma warrior who would listen. Every single day I was living in fear instead of living. It took time, tears, encouragement and true effort to find balance.

Yet, sometimes I don't get the balance right. 

This weekend when I heard unwanted news about a dear friend from another friend, I realized maybe I've been too consumed by my own personal life these days. I have been so busy being a  live-in-soon-to-be-wife, a 50% full-time soon-to-be step mom, and a full time employee that I haven't been around enough to cheer on my friends. I felt like a Mole Mate failure.

There is no guidebook on how to balance life & cancer. I've just had to wing it, and sometimes, no matter which extreme I take, I fail.

How have you found balance in your life?