Overdue Check-Up

Are you guys as burnt out on political talk as I am? Well, don't worry, I'm not touching on politics tonight. I have new results to share with you tonight...

Due to the craziness of the last few months: new job, trips to New York, and finding the house, I let my 3 month appointments with my dermatologist slip by. Don't worry--I saw other doctors who gave me the glance over, but I knew it was time to get a full body exam when my beloved oncologist, The Wizard, questioned me about it in October. I headed into the office for my 7:10 appointment on Friday with a smile on my face and a magazine in my hand. I wanted to give him a copy of The Skin Cancer Foundation's Journal that I was so honored to be a part of. While waiting for Dr. Cool Guy (I call him that because he's totally unlike other doctors. He's laid back and just someone you want to be friends with) to enter the room, I heard him talking to the nurse: "This is her." Nurse: "Who? The one you always talk about?" And what do you know, my dermatologist walked into my exam room holding his own copy of The Skin Cancer Foundation's Journal! 

(You can read or buy a copy of the Journal here.)

After we played catch-up, we got down to business. I had one mole in particular that made me nervous. Not only did it resemble the mole that eventually turned into melanoma, it also caught the attention of my other doctors. While the dermatologist comforted me that he didn't think it was anything too serious, he said he trusts my instincts. Guess what? It was a dysplastic nevus.  I knew it needed to get off my body!

 

Luckily he got clear margins!

Don't think I escaped with just one battle wound though! Dr. Cool Guy was looking at my back and hesitated for a while, so I knew he saw something he didn't really like. He asked, "Do you mind if I take this?" Of course I said, "Take it." The watch and wait approach doesn't work for us...

I'm totally allergic to the tape they use...Must remember that next time!

That mole also was mildly dysplastic.

My dermatologist is married to a two time melanoma survivor which is another reason why I appreciate him. Ever since he told me that horrible news, he has done everything in his power to help me. We don't shake hands when he walks in. We hug. I respect him, he respects me. No lie, there was a time when I was mad at him. I was mad because I felt like I wasn't prepared for the horrible news he gave me. But how could I have been? We--like so many other melanoma patients--didn't think that mole was melanoma. And let's be real. I wasn't mad at him. I was mad at the shitty situation.

Back to his wife, when I mentioned on Facebook that he had removed two more suspicious looking areas from my back, she wrote,"I'm glad he doesn't trust a mole when it comes to you." She's right, he doesn't trust moles. He will quickly point out what he doesn't like and slice it off. Sure, it may hurt a little, it may cost a lot, but the peace of mind I receive after I get the phone call from his nurse is priceless. 

Let this be your reminder to follow-up with your dermatologist. If you don't like the way something looks, ask for it to be removed! Sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and be your own advocate.

PS--I have now had 4 dysplastic nevi removed since I was diagnosed with melanoma. Have you all had them removed too? Just curious! 

 



 

"Perfect."

"Everything is perfect. 

See, I got right to it this time. I didn't make you wait."

 ~The Wizard, AKA, my oncologist.

He obviously remembered I do not like to make small talk when it comes to appointments where I receive scan results!

Here I am, celebrating with a cupcake,

while waiting for my turn in the Chemo Suite.

Yum.

I am really exhausted and fighting an upset tummy, but I wanted to post a quick update that both of my scans came back as PERFECT.

Thank God and all of you. I know I could not do this without your love and support.

ANOTHER 3 MONTHS OF FREEDOM! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Let's Get To the Point

I pay attention to facial expressions. Does the doctor avoid eye contact? Is he smiling? Doe he look at Mom? Does he shake my hand or simply sit down in front of me? In my head, if a doctor has good news for me, he should walk in, shake my hand, smile at me, give Mom a reassuring look and get right to the point.

Shouldn't I know by now that life rarely happens how I think it should happen?

Today began with a session with the vampires. 17 tubes of blood, a low grade fever, and nerves. Then I was finally called back to see The Wizard. Those few minutes sitting in the waiting room were torture. It's like waiting for a jury to decide the verdict: Do I get to live my life for another 3 months or will the black beast show his face? Where will the new tumors be? My liver, my lungs, my brain?

The nurse walks in to ask the normal "how are you?" questions. Because the trial paperwork had changed a little since the last time I was there (they added a part about male's sexual capability...obviously, as the nurse said, that doesn't apply to me; however, it broke the tension and made us laugh.) I had to sign my life away. While I was signing the paperwork, in walks The Wizard. I look up, he's super casual, says hi, sits down on the examination chair, and starts talking to the nurse. I am basically holding my breath and thinking, "Oh crap. He normally tells me AS he is walking into the room that I am fine. Why isn't he talking to me?!" Then The Wizard says, "How are you?" I started telling him that I feel great. He says, "Oh, by the way, you are great! Your scans were fine." Dude. Did you really almost give me a panic attack and then downplay my No Evidence of Disease results?

Really?

Then I got over it because I AM CLEAR, I AM CLEAR, I AM CLEAR!!!

THANK YOU, GOD! THANK YOU, MODERN MEDICINE! THANK YOU, FAMILY & FRIENDS! A special thank you to my Mom for holding my hand, once again, this week.

I AM CLEAR!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Joking...

.................Sort of.

So, how did I celebrate? 

A visit to the chemo suite, duh!

I have to stay healthy.

I also celebrated by meeting a new friend in the waiting
room while waiting for the Chemo Nurse to call me.
She is my age, beautiful, and has an amazing attitude.
More on that meeting soon...
Lord knows, I hate this cancer, but I love the people
it has allowed me to meet.

Your thoughts, messages, phone calls, and constant support have gotten me through this very tough week. Seriously. I do not think I will ever be able to explain how much the support I receive helps me through this new life. Cancer is so unpredictable, but I know that no matter what results I receive, I will have a group behind me, pushing me forward. You all encourage me to fight even when I don't feel like fighting. 

18 days later...

I have been pretty darn lucky in regards to the short amount of time I have had to wait for pathology reports. I mean, 5 days after 2 full lymph node dissections, Dr. Glinda, my surgeon at Sloan Kettering, had the report ready for me. This time, for one little tiny mole, I had to wait 18 days for the results.

Have you ever had to wait for important lab results? If so, you feel my pain.

Although I was not overly concerned with the mole, I did have a sinking feeling in my gut when the nurse told me she could not give me the results until the doctor was back in the office. I have friends who have received pathology reports from their nurses, and the way that she insisted I wait for the doctor made me feel a tad bit uneasy. I wanted the results. Good, bad, or ugly, I wanted them.

At 6:30 this evening, I received a voicemail saying that everything was fine. The mole showed no signs of melanoma.

Deep sigh of relief.

Of course I did not want the mole to be a melanoma for the obvious reasons, but I truly did not want to be kicked out of the trial. I knew that if I showed evidence of disease, I would be kicked off of the trial immediately. I am about the head for round 4, I don't want to be booted out now!

It should come as no surprise that being told that I am still NED lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. I know that tonight I will sleep more peacefully.

"Normal."

I was sitting on the computer, chit chatting with friends, when my phone rings this morning. I notice it is my oncologist, The Wizard, calling from New York. My first thought was, "Oh no. He does not work on Monday. He is calling me on his day off...Not a good sign." I answered in a super cheery voice. (I guess I thought if I was cheerful, he would have no choice but to tell me good news.)

"Hey Chelsea. Have a second to chat?"

He sounded happy...good sign....

"Yes, I have time!"

"Your biopy was normal!"

"Normal?!"

"Yes. Everything was normal. You went through all of that for nothing!"

Oh, thank God! Sure, the biopsy was quite uncomfortable and the anxiety from the biopsy was even worse, but I would do it over in a heartbeat to gain a peace of mind. If you have been reading my blog, you know I tend to expect the worst & hope for the best. Maybe that is because I was expecting a normal pathology report in the beginning and was slammed with horrible news for a while? Either way, it is how I deal with things.

I will have my next treatment on July 1st & will have my next set of scans in August. For now, I just continue to pray that my body will heal, the swelling will go down, and the pain will go away. I am so very thankful that the doctor who did the ultrasound was wrong. I appreciate her desire to be thorough but she terrified me. By her facial expressions and the way she worded things, I honestly believed she thought the suspicious area was indeed a tumor. I am extremely excited she was wrong.

Thank you all for the countless prayers, words of support, and invisible hugs. The amount of support is unbelievable. I am extremely grateful. If you ever--God forbid--find yourself in this situation, I will be your loudest cheerleader. XOXO!

"Don't Panic."

When I first started writing this blog after being diagnosed with stage III melanoma in January, I discussed needing reassuring doctors. I am the type of (needy?) person who needs to be told the truth in a positive manner. When a doctor stares at an ultrasound picture, shakes her head, and says, "I don't know" I assume I am going to croak tomorrow.

Dramatic, I know.

When my good ol' friend The Wizard called me today, I had prepared myself for bad news. Being the "glass is half full" type of doctor, I should have known he would reassure me that I am not going anywhere anytime soon. He did just that. He automatically says, "So, about your ultrasounds, they still look fine to me." He agreed that there is a need for an ultrasound/needle biopsy, but that he is still not overly concerned. He said, "there is no need to panic." That is what I needed to hear because I was (not-so-secretly) panicking.

I shared a brief summary of the experience I had with Dr. Lee and The Wizard politely me, "next time, no panicking. You call me instead." Have I mentioned that I adore this guy? He won major brownie points with me today. The Wizard explained again that thyroid nodules in young women are common and usually benign. He also stressed that I had 2 major surgeries within 2 months of each other. There has been a lot of trauma to the upper part of my body. I am still recovering. In other words, BREATHE, calm down, and give my body a chance to heal. Because I still have the swelling issue above my collarbone, under the left neck incision, he believes the "concerning area" could be lymph nodes overcompensating.  Since I do not have lymph nodes in my left armpit or the right side of my neck due to the most recent surgery, this theory makes sense to me.

We also discussed my first day in the "Chemo Suite." I asked him questions about my dropping blood pressure. He said that the nurses tend to be paranoid during infusions because they want to stop any complications before it becomes a huge problem. He said because I am "young and thin" that it is normal for me to have a lower blood pressure, and it may have continued to drop just because I was comfortable. I did list how I have been feeling since the infusion. He said, "You do realize those are side effects of Ipi, right?" Oh, how I hope...

This phone call made me relax. I wonder if doctors realize how their attitude, tone of voice, and vocabulary can change an entire situation. I know I am not out of the woods yet, the biopsy still needs to be done, but I am not going to prepare for the worst. I know the possibilities, but I also have my faith. Sloan Kettering is taking such good care of me, why should I doubt them? If the biopsy shows something unattractive, they will tackle it head on. I know that.

Yesterday, as I was spending time on my friend, The Treadmill, I was listening to my iPod, and Jason Mraz starts singing, "We will cure this dirty old disease. If you've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
The remedy is the experience. This is a dangerous liaison. I say the comedy is that it's serious. This is a strange enough new play on words...I won't worry my life away..I won't worry my life away..." Isn't it odd how a random song can play and it is somehow fits perfectly into your situation? My buddy Sean, from PolyChrome, sings this song every once in a while, but it never registered just how perfectly it fits into my life. Oh, music... But Jason has the right attitude, I should not worry my life away.

As my sister reminded me, I have melanoma. But, I am not melanoma. I am made up of so much more than this dirty, unpredictable cancer. So, like Jason, I won't worry my life away.

PS) I did not realize how adorable Jason Mraz is until watching the video...Cutie!

Jason Mraz: The Remedy (I Won't Worry.)

"Every Little Thing Gonna Be Alright..."

Bob Marley passed away 30 years ago...from melanoma!

In honor of Mr. Marley, I am going to use his positive thinking as I research the latest information I have received.

The Wizard called me first thing this morning with the results of the neck CT I had on Monday. Everything looks fine...except for a thyroid nodule. The Wizard asked a few questions, if I had ever had thyroid issues before--I have not--and said that we need to do an ultrasound to make sure the nodule is benign. He did stress that thyroid nodules are usually benign in women, but it is something for us to be concerned about and cannot be ignored. He made me feel more relaxed when he told me that there is no rush for the ultrasound. He will schedule it for when I come to New York for my treatment. Yay...another test for "And.Them." to try to fight! Oh well. I am very blessed that my doctors all take the extra step to make sure I am as healthy as possible. I am incredibly thankful for that.

I used my Google skills to research thyroid nodules. According to the Mayo Clinic--a highly respected facility--most thyroid nodules are benign, but you should seek medical attention if you have any of the following:

• Sudden weight loss even though your appetite is normal or has increased
• A pounding heart
• Trouble sleeping
• Muscle weakness
• Nervousness or irritability

I had to giggle when I read these symptoms. I have cancer. Of course I am irritable! I am the poster child of emotional mood swings! Nervous? Yes, I get nervous over every swollen lymph node, every spike in temperature, any scan, any talk with someone in a lab coat, any day when I just do not feel "right." Muscle weakness? Duh. I am still recovering from 2 major surgeries. Trouble sleeping? Again, anyone with stress has trouble sleeping. A pounding heart? Only when nervous. *see above for when I am nervous.* Sudden weight loss even though appetite has increased? Well, yes. But not enough to make a huge difference.

So, thanks to Google, and Bob Marley, I am going to relax...I am going to pray, cross my fingers, and toes, and hope that the ultrasound will show a benign nodule.

"Singing don't worry about a thing, 

cause every little thing 

gonna be alright..."

~Bob Marley

Another Chance at Life

I  can hardly stop shaking enough

to write this post.

I do not know how to start it, so I am just going to blurt it out.

Dr. Charlotte Ariyan, AKA Dr. Glinda the Good Witch--
named
for her beautiful smile, her curly blonde hair,
and because she is my protector against my enemy melanoma-
 gave me the best news of my life today.

ALL of my lymph nodes that were removed

on Thursday

came back NEGATIVE for melanoma.

Yes, you read it right:

NEGATIVE FOR MELANOMA.

Thank you God.

Thank you to my amazing, AMAZING doctors.

Thank you to my could-not-live-without family.

Thank you to my friends...close and far.

I have a lifetime of fighting ahead of me,

I will always have Stage III Melanoma,

but right now...

I have No Evidence of Disease.

Today...is the best day of my life.

*I will post more when I can think clearly. As you can imagine, I am in shock.