And the scanxiety begins...
If you have any experience with scheduled CT scans/MRI's, you know what Scanxiety feels like. I try to talk myself out of it, I tell myself that I have no reason to be paranoid about the upcoming scans; however, my mind still focuses on it. I become grumpy. I get headaches. I become snappy. And I definitely stop sleeping through the night...no matter how exhausted I am!
This time next week I will be packing my bags to head to New York City. On Wednesday, October 2nd, I fly to NJ to meet Mom. I have scans on Thursday, results and treatment on Friday. It is hard to believe my 3 months of freedom have already passed. The last time I went to NYC, the clear scans were such a relief, but I had a hard few weeks after I returned home. I am nervous that now that I have started living my life again, things will come crashing down. I fully believe that if I were to receive "dirty" scan results, I would have a harder time accepting it now than I did in January. In January, I was totally caught off guard when Dr. Cool Guy came in and gave me the less than desirable news that the mole he removed was melanoma. This time, although I am hoping for the best, I have to prepare myself for the worst. You know, just in case...
The lack of sleep is probably also because I am worried about my Pop's surgery on November 2nd. Tomorrow he goes in for a stress test--we've been through this before where they found a blockage and ended up having to do a double bypass surgery--and I am anxious to hear good news regarding that. Prayers please.
I am a bit bummed today. My mom had gotten tickets to be a part of the taping of Anderson Cooper's show on Thursday; however, due to scheduling conflicts, we will not be able to go. Because ipi/yervoy is known to cause inflammation of the eye, I have to see an eye doc while at Sloan Kettering. Originally I was supposed to see the eye doctor in the afternoon, but they have changed the appointment. Sooooooooo, no Silver Fox for me! I know that I should be grateful for the wonderful care that I am receiving, and I am, but I really hate that my mom went through the trouble of trying to plan fun things for us to do and we aren't able to do it. Mom always tries to make my trips to NYC more than just medical appointments. Like I have said before, she is the best. Let's hope my eye doc is as adorable as Mr. Cooper!
Here's what I have to say to melanoma tonight:
Melanoma, I'm coming after you...again!