Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

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I was reading one of my new favorite blogs tonight, Whispering Sweet Nothings, when I was inspired to write a similar blog post. Shane talks about how as bloggers we tend to only show the world the best of ourselves. We sugarcoat shit. Sometimes we say what we think you want to read. Sometimes we act like things are more perfect than what they really are. Sometimes we act like we aren't afraid. Sometimes we preach. Shane was brave enough to share some of her most personal feelings, so I thought I would share a few secrets of my own that I may hold back. (Some because I don't want a full inbox of hate mail! :0)

 I still miss the worry-free feeling of sunshine on my skin  I grew up at the beach. Many of my childhood memories involve a beach. Almost every major vacation involved a beach. The first summer being back home after being diagnosed with melanoma, I didn't know what to do with my free-time without spending my days at the beach or in my parents pool. I still miss getting up fairly early, grabbing a book, a bottle of water, and maybe some SPF for my face and shoulders, and not worrying about anything else until it was time to head inside many hours later. There were no big hats, umbrellas, select hours I should be in direct sunlight, or the absolute fear of a sunburn. 

I really do think your fake-and-bake tan looks horrible and cheap. I'm not just saying that because I have melanoma and can't get a tan. I truly, honestly, most definitely think that your skin should not be that shade of leather.

I had to remove myself from 2 different melanoma groups. I try to be supportive of everyone. I have a true desire to be a supporter of others and meet as many folks as I can within the melanoma community. However, I came to the conclusion that I could not completely obsess over this cancer. I couldn't have my Facebook newsfeed be nothing but articles about melanoma, latest updates about melanoma, and melanoma patients fighting with each other about something the other one said. I needed a break so I removed myself from two of the groups I belonged to. 

I do not regret removing myself from melanoma groups. I love my Molemates. I cheer with them when they get great news, I cry when they receive the news none of us want to hear. Having said that, I also have to look out for my emotional well being. Removing myself, deleting certain Facebook friends from my personal Facebook page, etc,  was what I needed to do for myself. Despite the hate mail I received it wasn't an attack against anyone else. It doesn't make me any less of a melanoma supporter. It doesn't make me a bitch. It makes me a girl who knew I was letting the internet have too much control over my emotional health. If you still think that makes me a non-supportive bitch, oh well.

I sometimes don't wear sunscreen. Before you freak out, read what I have to say. My face products have sunscreen in them. My hand lotion has sunscreen in it. I work in a basement of a hospital that has absolutely no windows. I walk outside for just moments to get to and from my car. I'm usually in long pants/skirts and a long sleeve sweater/cardigan. (It's negative 20 degrees in there, always.) My skin is always covered. If I spend any additional time outside, or know that I am going to spend additional time outside, I always wear sunscreen. I have multiple bottles in my purse. Don't shoot me. 

I become such a brat before oncology appointments. I'm not lying when I tell you that you're better off just not to talk to me the day I get scans. Just wait until I receive the results. Scanxiety makes me such a little brat. You've been warned. (And I apologize now.)

I am curious about getting a spray tan. A local spray tan salon here in Roanoke recently sprayed the Miss Virginia candidates. I saw her post on Facebook and mentioned that it would be great to interview the owner for my blog. I'm curious how she got into the spray tanning business and if there was a reason behind it. Since then I've been wondering if documenting a spray tan would be good material for my blog; however, I think it totally goes against the message I'm trying to send: Embrace your natural skin tone and look pretty doing it! (My decision about the spray tan still hasn't been made. It would be a one-time thing.)

I hate being in the room with a lot of people when I get scan results.  Receiving bad news is terrifying. Having to look over and see how your family is reacting to bad news is heartbreaking. I never want my family to experience that again.

I get a little peeved when people say I have skin cancer. I have melanoma. It's aggressive, deadly, and a sneaky little bitch.

I never respond to blog comments. But it's not because I don't read them or don't want to respond! It's because I don't have the slightest clue how to do so! I try, but I always fail! *I am going to work on this and figure out how to respond so please make sure you sign in with your Google account or leave an email address where I can get back in touch with you!!!!*

When are we going to start trying for babies?  Please, why do people still think it's OK to ask that? (This is now my promise never to ask anyone else that question ever again.) I've always wanted to be a mom. I think I grew up knowing that was the one role I most definitely wanted in life. When the doctor says it's OK, if the doctors says it's OK, I pray there will be babies. And trust me, I'll annoy you so much with pictures and posts, you will wish you had never wondered when we'd have kids.

I don't care that you got a sunburn. Don't worry about what I'll think.  Worry about reapplying your sunscreen next time.

I love my 'real life' more than I love my melanoma blog.  I know that I'm pretty much the crappiest blogger lately. I post once or twice a month. I don't update you on the latest drugs, the most recent articles, I don't share like I used to. But here's the thing: I work full-time for a hospital in a job that leaves me tired and sometimes grumpy. I'm a newlywed wife who actually likes her husband, I'm a step mom to a kid we see for 7 days and miss for 7 days, I babysit 5-6 nights a week during the weeks we don't have my step son, I enjoy cuddling with my dog and reading some silly romance novel. I am enjoying my life. I have melanoma. I'm thankful every single day that Melanoma is not my life.

My melanoma blog I'm denying saved me during my darkest days. I didn't want to talk about the seriousness of what I was going through. I didn't know how to tell people without downplaying it or making a joke. I was completely shutting down. I am so thankful my mom recognized this and advised me to write. She saved me from a severe depression and many hours in therapy.

I'm already fearing the comments I'm going to get about sunscreen. If a body part is exposed for more than 10 minutes per day, it has sunscreen on it. I promise.

What are some things you keep to yourself?

*Although Shane doesn't have the slightest clue who I am, thank you, Shane, for inspiring me tonight.*

"Super SPF: Showing Your Children How To Stay Safe In The Sun."

It's summer. When kids aren't playing X-BOX, their handheld devices, or watching Netflix, they are typically outside enjoying the wonderful weather. (Oh how times have changed...!! We were never inside during the summer months!! Teaching your children that there is more to sun protection than lathering on sunscreen once a day is extremely important. So how do you explain it all to them? This infographic will definitely help!

http://www.skinfo.com/super-spf-pages-288.php

I think that the more we discuss sun protection with our kids, the more likely they will to remind us and others about the need for sun protection. For example, I took my little family to Kings Dominion the other weekend for a little Father's Day getaway. Y'all know I'm all about some sunscreen. We all stopped to reapply every 90 minutes. Who was reminding me before I suggested it was time to apply? My stepson. Why? Because we talk about the need for it.

How come the little kid roller coasters are scarier to me than the adult ones?!

Holy whip lash!

 PS) He was wearing a hat too, he's currently sitting on it here.

While you're browsing online I do encourage you to check out Skinfo! The graphic above really is great and I believe it's easy for kids to understand all the different key elements to correct sun protection. Skinfo also has sunscreen and sun protective clothing items available. Check 'em out and let me know what you think!

http://www.skinfo.com/super-spf-pages-288.php

In My Face

There once was a gal who valued a tan. She tanned before prom, graduation, and vacations. She tanned before summer break so that she would get a "base tan." She tanned to make her skin, as society determined was the prettiest, bronzed.

Y'all know all of that. I have never denied my tanning history nor have I ever played the victim because of my melanoma diagnosis. I know I screwed up and made some really shitty decisions that I will forever pay for. 

 You don't have to be a radiologist to know you're not supposed to glow like that.

While I am all about protecting my skin, my family members skin, and encouraging others to do so via the Internet, I am not pushy about it in my every day life. I don't pass a sunscreen bottle around the bleachers at my step son's baseball game. (Although I cheered a little when someone else did.) I don't lecture my co-worker about her obvious burn. Unless you're friends with me on Facebook or stumble upon my blog, chances are you don't know I go to NY every 3 months to see my oncologist. Unless you already know about it, you can bet I don't share my melanoma story with you until I consider you a friend. That's just not how I am. I don't want to be that girl who is always yelling at the co-worker she barley knows about his weekend at the beach.

However, if you are friends with me on Facebook, you know I preach sun safety and my true hatred for tanning beds. I try not to be obnoxious, but I'm certainly aware that I probably am. ;-)

Having said all of that, I can't help but cringe when folks come up to me and say, "I thought of you this weekend. I said to my husband, 'Chelsea's going to get mad at me for getting a sunburn" or "You are going to be mad at me, but I'm going to go to the tanning bed just for a few times." I never know how to react because I want to keep the friendly and professional relationships, but I really want to be like "Whyyyyyyyyyyyy do you tell me these things?!" If I saw your sunburn--and I always see the sunburns--I would never say a word. If I noticed your obvious fake and bake sessions, you can bet I wouldn't mumble a sound about it. While I like to raise awareness, I know there is a time and a place for it. But throwing it in my face? Making a point to tell me the things you know I will get upset about? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?! Ahhhhh!

So I started thinking about it today. Let's say I had lung cancer. Would my associate come up to me and say, "I thought of you today when I bought a new pack of cigarettes"? Would the stranger I see once a month say, "I only smoke when I drink" as if that is an excuse for her bad habit? Or would that be in poor taste?

Am I supposed to just be like "Oh OK!" because it's just a tan? Big deal?

If UV rays from tanning beds are class 1 carcinogens, just like tobacco, why can we make excuses for our poor decisions just because we want to look good at the country club?

I make a point to keep my cancer outside of certain areas in my life, but when I hear these confessions, I can't help but speak up. Obviously these folks know their decisions are poor choices, yet they make them anyway. And really, that's on them. It's their skin, their biggest organ. (And yet, the sensitive girl buried inside of me can't help but feel the sting. You don't have to make better life decisions just because I got melanoma, but you could refrain from telling me about those decisions. I had to learn my lesson the hard way which is why I put time and effort into sharing my experience.)

Maybe next time, instead of almost asking for my understanding, they will apply the extra sunscreen and cancel the damn tanning membership.

A girl can hope, can't she?

*Disclaimer: This isn't about a particular event. These types of comments are made weekly. DisclaimerX2: You should know by now there's always a chance YOU will end up on my blog. ;-)

XO.

(And yes, I realize it's been forever since I've blogged. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. Life is good--yet very, very, very busy!) 

'Tis The Season

Melanoma Awareness is in the air! Ever since Tan Mom made her way into the headlines last spring, I have noticed more magazines mentioning the dangers of tanning. Sometimes it's a blurb in the skin care section, other times it's in the celebrity gossip area, and sometimes there are times when magazines will have full articles! Speaking of which, have you picked up Glamour's May edition? It's AWESOME.

 

I'm telling ya, this is a must read! Go pick up your copy today.

My point is, with the warm weather we are beginning to experience, people are talking about tanning. Some are talking about the need to tan, others are reminding people not to tan! Just search on Twitter, you will see both sides.

Just yesterday I was tagged in a post on Twitter by a fellow blogger. I am always a little nervous about Twitter because I have some tanning bed lovers who sometimes like to start Twitter wars. I was pleasantly surprised when I began reading "A Rant."  Helene doesn't blog about melanoma in her free times, her blog isn't dedicated to melanoma awareness, and she has a lot of followers who probably still believe in the 'healthy glow.' She risked losing followers last night with her post on tanning. What has made her so sensitive to this topic? Her dad has melanoma.

I was so impressed with Helene's courage to share her "rant" knowing that tanning is still a subject that makes folks a little defensive. I noticed she had a lot of comments on her post so I had to read them. I quickly realized how much has changed in just the 2 years since I have battled melanoma. People are (slowly) realizing that the fake and bake lifestyle is a thing of the past! I was SHOCKED how many people commented with opinions similar to mine. Usually it's the opposite. These aren't melanoma warriors, these are young women! Go Helene for sharing her words. I bet she had no idea how many people would relate!

Bring on warmer weather...and melanoma awareness!

 

"What's a Sunburn?" UV Skinz!

Today I am honoring a company that I believe in: UV Skinz. I encourage you all to check out their site and order something during the month of May. When you order an item, you will receive a  swim shirt for a baby! You can choose to give it to your own child, donate it to your favorite chubby cheek niece or nephew, or find an organization that could use it. Let's protect the innocent from sunburns!   

My blog followers have been given a 15% discount. 

Use this code: BLOGS15

UV Skinz is giving away free UV Protective Baby Swim Shirts to all customers who place an order this May in honor of National Skin Cancer Awareness Month. UV Skinz, your one-stop shop for UV Protective Sunwear, wants to ensure that even the youngest members of our families are given proper protection against skin cancer, which is dangerously on the rise in babies, children and teens. This is the fifth year in a row that UV Skinz has generously given away swimwear for their cause. Help them meet their goal of giving away 7,500 swim shirts for babies! Just visit www.uvskinz.com to learn more!

UV Skinz was started after Rhonda Sparks lost her 32-year-old husband to melanoma, the deadliest form of skin cancer.  It was this experience and being left to raise their three young boys on her own that gave her the determination to help bring products to the market that can help families live sun safe, while never forgetting how important it is to LIVE and HAVE FUN outdoors!

Self

I get a lot of joy when I read articles in magazines regarding the dangers of skin cancer. A lot of the information that is out there is only shared within the Melanoma community, so it is a nice change when I see an article in a magazine that caters to every day women.

Self posted a good article for those not yet residents of Hotel Melanoma. The article discusses how the rise in melanoma is an epidemic. They interviewed Marina Peredo, M.D., F.A.A.D, Associate Clinical Professor of Dermatology at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York and founder of Marina I. Peredo, M.D., P.C. Dermatology and Spatique Medical Spa in Smithtown, N.Y, who believes tanning beds are as dangerous as smoking and unprotected sex.

The article goes on to list ways to protect yourself from skin cancer. Read list here.

My favorite quote from the entire article is this, "With melanoma, the difference between life and death is early detection," she says. "A lot of people think, 'Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away.'" No. "If something looks unusual or different -- get it checked. A lot of the time it's nothing, but that's OK! Don't be scared of the unknown," says Dr. Peredo. "But if you do find that something is wrong, get it off your body."

That is advice we need to share, folks.

Share it.

Remember, May begins Skin Cancer Awareness month. How are you going to raise awareness?

Don't forget to find me on Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/AdventuresWithMyEnemyMelanoma