Monday, December 17, 2012

The Chair

I was browsing through my pictures on my cell phone, looking for the picture of the house we're buying when I saw this. It looks like an innocent chair. Sometimes it is. But until I hear those words, "Everything is fine," the chair gets my heart beating faster, my hands begin to sweat, and I try to determine my scan results based on how the nurse treats me.

This chair--the chair where many cancer patients have probably received life changing news--is somewhere I will be on December 28, 2012.

How is it that a simple chair can help produce so much anxiety? 

I can't help but have some anxiety. I have a new job I'm enjoying, a house we're moving into, a future we're planning. My 2 year Cancerversary is in January & I want to celebrate it with no evidence of disease.

That sounds pretty selfish, doesn't it?

Blame the chair. It brought back nervous energy.

My friends have moved into hospice, others are beginning new treatments, and one just advanced to stage IV malignant melanoma. I'm thankful to be as healthy as I am. I know that I will handle whatever Dr. D (AKA The Wizard) tells me on the 28th in the only way I know how. I'll follow in my friends footsteps & handle myself with a smile, maybe a laugh, and definitely a little bad ass attitude.

After all, we are bad ass melanoma warriors, right?


Jennifer E said...

Praying for good news for you!

Denisa said...

I know your feelings for 5 out of the 6 months I am on top of the world thanking God that I am so blessed to be at that two year mark. But those 4 weeks leading up to those scans I become so fearful and on edge thinking could I really be this blessed when so many people have lost this battle. Prayers of peace for you and claiming your complete healing with you.

runnergirl training said...

Prayers for your recovery.

runnergirl training said...

Prayers for your recovery

Joeli said...

I will be saying prayers and thoughts for you! I was diagnosed with Melanoma in June and found your blog shortly after. It opened me to a whole new world of other melanoma survivors and fighters! It seems as though nobody really thinks of melanoma as a deadly cancer. Say the word lung, brain, bone or liver cancer and people immediately have sympathy and want to know more. Say the word melanoma, and people usually just say, "oh. okay"
Thank you for being honest on your blog and for opening my eyes to so many different other melanoma blogs and foundations!

Anonymous said...

Hi Chelsea

I think I know how you feel. My husband was diagnosed with nodular melanoma in September 2012. Not a long time compared to some others I've read about but still I am scared to bits about the future. He is 34.
He had wide local excision and Sentinel Lymph node biopsy in the UK on 22nd November and Results Day is this Friday, 21st.

I really, really, really hope that both of you comes out with clear results and we can all get on with the rest of our lives.

Continue the good work what you're doing now. Raising awareness and giving talks etc. You are a true inspiration and whilst I am stuggling at times to come to terms with the unfair dealing of the cards people like you still give me strength.

I am not religious but I have hope that Cancer will be eliminated within years. Down with cancer!!