Monday, June 30, 2014

Funniest Sunburn Contest

If you logged onto Facebook today and caught up with your favorite melanoma friends, you probably noticed that people have been upset with Ellen DeGeneres. While I can't find the link now, the show requested folks to send in their funniest sunburn pictures.

Funniest + Sunburn = Seriously?

Before I go on a big long rant that I really am too sleepy for--thanks Rising Star for keeping me up too late--I have to admit that this probably would not have bothered me pre-melanoma. I would have looked, cringed, maybe even giggled, and moved on. But life after melanoma involves taking things more seriously than other people. A sunburn to me is the thing I can absolutely never get again. A sun--cough *Tanning Bed* cough--burn, now, is what made me sick.

What's funny about that?

So I joined in with my friends and responded to Ellen's request. Instead of the sunburn pictures--which I have many of--I sent a photo of myself post-melanoma. Most people think I probably have one scar to choose from. At this, I laugh.

 (The site of the first melanoma.)

 Melanoma was found in lymph nodes here...

 And melanoma was found here...

 And here...

(This mole was melanoma (in-situ) as well, March 2013.) 
 The site of the most recent borderline melanoma in-situ.

 The only places where I don't have melanoma scars are on my feet, my scalp, and my lady bits. Every where else has been marked either by melanoma or by trying to prevent melanoma. Both arms, both sides of my neck, my legs, my belly, my back xA LOT, and even my face. (Heading in next week for another surgery on my face. Yes, I'm still waiting for my appointment. I don't want to talk about it.)

As I said to Ellen, "I know you requested photos of sunburns, and I have plenty of those, but it's because of those burns that I was diagnosed with stage 3 malignant melanoma at age 23. Encouraging others to send photos of their sunburns is sending the wrong message. There is nothing funny about a sunburn, Ellen. Nothing. Sincerely, Still A Fan."

I'm proud of my friend Christina for bringing this contest to our attention and for all of my melanoma friends who took the time to speak out and explain why a sunburn is no longer something to joke about. Would we ask folks to send in photos of them smoking cigarettes?


A Sometimes Drama Queen. ;-)

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

I was reading one of my new favorite blogs tonight, Whispering Sweet Nothings, when I was inspired to write a similar blog post. Shane talks about how as bloggers we tend to only show the world the best of ourselves. We sugarcoat shit. Sometimes we say what we think you want to read. Sometimes we act like things are more perfect than what they really are. Sometimes we act like we aren't afraid. Sometimes we preach. Shane was brave enough to share some of her most personal feelings, so I thought I would share a few secrets of my own that I may hold back. (Some because I don't want a full inbox of hate mail! :0)

 I still miss the worry-free feeling of sunshine on my skin  I grew up at the beach. Many of my childhood memories involve a beach. Almost every major vacation involved a beach. The first summer being back home after being diagnosed with melanoma, I didn't know what to do with my free-time without spending my days at the beach or in my parents pool. I still miss getting up fairly early, grabbing a book, a bottle of water, and maybe some SPF for my face and shoulders, and not worrying about anything else until it was time to head inside many hours later. There were no big hats, umbrellas, select hours I should be in direct sunlight, or the absolute fear of a sunburn. 

I really do think your fake-and-bake tan looks horrible and cheap. I'm not just saying that because I have melanoma and can't get a tan. I truly, honestly, most definitely think that your skin should not be that shade of leather.

I had to remove myself from 2 different melanoma groups. I try to be supportive of everyone. I have a true desire to be a supporter of others and meet as many folks as I can within the melanoma community. However, I came to the conclusion that I could not completely obsess over this cancer. I couldn't have my Facebook newsfeed be nothing but articles about melanoma, latest updates about melanoma, and melanoma patients fighting with each other about something the other one said. I needed a break so I removed myself from two of the groups I belonged to. 

I do not regret removing myself from melanoma groups. I love my Molemates. I cheer with them when they get great news, I cry when they receive the news none of us want to hear. Having said that, I also have to look out for my emotional well being. Removing myself, deleting certain Facebook friends from my personal Facebook page, etc,  was what I needed to do for myself. Despite the hate mail I received it wasn't an attack against anyone else. It doesn't make me any less of a melanoma supporter. It doesn't make me a bitch. It makes me a girl who knew I was letting the internet have too much control over my emotional health. If you still think that makes me a non-supportive bitch, oh well.

I sometimes don't wear sunscreen. Before you freak out, read what I have to say. My face products have sunscreen in them. My hand lotion has sunscreen in it. I work in a basement of a hospital that has absolutely no windows. I walk outside for just moments to get to and from my car. I'm usually in long pants/skirts and a long sleeve sweater/cardigan. (It's negative 20 degrees in there, always.) My skin is always covered. If I spend any additional time outside, or know that I am going to spend additional time outside, I always wear sunscreen. I have multiple bottles in my purse. Don't shoot me. 

I become such a brat before oncology appointments. I'm not lying when I tell you that you're better off just not to talk to me the day I get scans. Just wait until I receive the results. Scanxiety makes me such a little brat. You've been warned. (And I apologize now.)

I am curious about getting a spray tan. A local spray tan salon here in Roanoke recently sprayed the Miss Virginia candidates. I saw her post on Facebook and mentioned that it would be great to interview the owner for my blog. I'm curious how she got into the spray tanning business and if there was a reason behind it. Since then I've been wondering if documenting a spray tan would be good material for my blog; however, I think it totally goes against the message I'm trying to send: Embrace your natural skin tone and look pretty doing it! (My decision about the spray tan still hasn't been made. It would be a one-time thing.)

I hate being in the room with a lot of people when I get scan results.  Receiving bad news is terrifying. Having to look over and see how your family is reacting to bad news is heartbreaking. I never want my family to experience that again.

I get a little peeved when people say I have skin cancer. I have melanoma. It's aggressive, deadly, and a sneaky little bitch.

I never respond to blog comments. But it's not because I don't read them or don't want to respond! It's because I don't have the slightest clue how to do so! I try, but I always fail! *I am going to work on this and figure out how to respond so please make sure you sign in with your Google account or leave an email address where I can get back in touch with you!!!!*

When are we going to start trying for babies?  Please, why do people still think it's OK to ask that? (This is now my promise never to ask anyone else that question ever again.) I've always wanted to be a mom. I think I grew up knowing that was the one role I most definitely wanted in life. When the doctor says it's OK, if the doctors says it's OK, I pray there will be babies. And trust me, I'll annoy you so much with pictures and posts, you will wish you had never wondered when we'd have kids.

I don't care that you got a sunburn. Don't worry about what I'll think.  Worry about reapplying your sunscreen next time.

I love my 'real life' more than I love my melanoma blog.  I know that I'm pretty much the crappiest blogger lately. I post once or twice a month. I don't update you on the latest drugs, the most recent articles, I don't share like I used to. But here's the thing: I work full-time for a hospital in a job that leaves me tired and sometimes grumpy. I'm a newlywed wife who actually likes her husband, I'm a step mom to a kid we see for 7 days and miss for 7 days, I babysit 5-6 nights a week during the weeks we don't have my step son, I enjoy cuddling with my dog and reading some silly romance novel. I am enjoying my life. I have melanoma. I'm thankful every single day that Melanoma is not my life.

My melanoma blog I'm denying saved me during my darkest days. I didn't want to talk about the seriousness of what I was going through. I didn't know how to tell people without downplaying it or making a joke. I was completely shutting down. I am so thankful my mom recognized this and advised me to write. She saved me from a severe depression and many hours in therapy.

I'm already fearing the comments I'm going to get about sunscreen. If a body part is exposed for more than 10 minutes per day, it has sunscreen on it. I promise.

What are some things you keep to yourself?

*Although Shane doesn't have the slightest clue who I am, thank you, Shane, for inspiring me tonight.*

Monday, June 23, 2014

"Super SPF: Showing Your Children How To Stay Safe In The Sun."

It's summer. When kids aren't playing X-BOX, their handheld devices, or watching Netflix, they are typically outside enjoying the wonderful weather. (Oh how times have changed...!! We were never inside during the summer months!! Teaching your children that there is more to sun protection than lathering on sunscreen once a day is extremely important. So how do you explain it all to them? This infographic will definitely help!

I think that the more we discuss sun protection with our kids, the more likely they will to remind us and others about the need for sun protection. For example, I took my little family to Kings Dominion the other weekend for a little Father's Day getaway. Y'all know I'm all about some sunscreen. We all stopped to reapply every 90 minutes. Who was reminding me before I suggested it was time to apply? My stepson. Why? Because we talk about the need for it.

How come the little kid roller coasters are scarier to me than the adult ones?!
Holy whip lash!
 PS) He was wearing a hat too, he's currently sitting on it here.

While you're browsing online I do encourage you to check out Skinfo! The graphic above really is great and I believe it's easy for kids to understand all the different key elements to correct sun protection. Skinfo also has sunscreen and sun protective clothing items available. Check 'em out and let me know what you think!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

She Asked For It

So it was just this week that I blogged about how I don't pressure those around me--well, not co-workers or almost strangers--into protecting their skin. I post what I have to say online, I share my story once I'm comfortable with you, and that's that. I don't comment on your obvious sunburn. I don't let you know I notice your brand new tan in the month of January when you haven't been on vacation. I smile and treat you just like I treat every other person. I'm not going to let my personal feelings towards tanning change the way I treat a person. Point is, I keep my mouth shut. No lectures.

(But I do post stuff like this.

However, sometimes, situations just walk in to your office fall into your lap.

Today one of my co-workers began walking down the hallway, pushing one of the young X-RAY students towards my office. I knew, just by looking at which student he had by the shoulders shoving towards me, what was about to happen. "You need to talk to her, Chelsea." I started shaking my head, "No. I saw her tan. It's her body. I'm not going to lecture her." "You need to talk to her." He stood there, with his hands on her shoulders, preventing her from walking away. I was determined to be nice to this young girl who I don't even know by name and just give her the sweet smile, followed by the, "You really shouldn't tan" comment. But then she looked at me directly in my eyes and said, "I go to the tanning bed all the time."

I don't know what happened. I don't know why I let the poor girl have it like I did, but by the end of it, my hands and my voice were shaking. I don't have the slightest idea what I really said, but let's just say it went something like this:

Student: "I go to the tanning bed all the time."
Me, in a shitty voice: "You can go to my chemo sessions with me too."
Student: "No thanks."
Me: "And you're a RED HEAD! You're basically just asking for it!!!!!"
Student: "Stoooooooooooooop."
Co-Worker: "We've been telling her that she needs to stop. It's so bad for her!"
Me: "AND YOU'RE A RED HEAD!!!!!!! Statistically you're a walking melanoma patient!!!"
Student: "Stooooooooooooop."
Me: "Do you know that they said I had a 50% chance of being here in five years?"
Student: "Stooooooooooooooooooooooop."
Me: "If you don't catch it in time, it's not like you can just cut it out. There is no cure."
Student: "Stooooop."
Me: "The World Health Organization classifies UV rays from tanning beds as a class 1 carcinogen, just like tobacco. You might as well start smoking."
Student: "Guys, stooooooooooooop."
Me: "You have to know how bad it is for you. With all of the research that is available, every time you turn on the news they are talking about it. You have to know."
Student: "I obsess with sunscreen every time I'm outside!"
Me: "WHAT'S THE POINT?! 10 minutes in the tanning bed is just like spending 8 hours in the sunlight without sunscreen. What's the point in obsessing with sunscreen if you turn around and go to the tanning bed?"
Student: "I like the way it looks."
Me: "But that's the other thing! IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD! It makes you look old!"
(This is when two of my co-workers chimed in with the changes they've seen in their skin after years in the sun.)
Student: "Stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooop."

And the convo went something like that. The student never said she would consider what I yelled said, but she did thank me. So while I doubt she'll cancel her tanning membership any time soon, I doubt there will be a time in the near future when she doesn't think about the mean girl in the scheduling office who told her that her tan isn't pretty.

(I swear, I wasn't trying to be mean. I realized right away that my tone of voice was abrupt, I was harsh, I said things that I usually only write because they are hard for people to hear, and I let her have it. I don't know why. It just came out! She is such a beautiful young girl with her whole future ahead of her and I hate to think about what she may face in her future.)

Maybe tomorrow, if she'll make eye contact with me, I will apologize for being a bully and encourage her to make better life decisions. Not only for her benefit, but because I don't want to be seen as the mean melanoma girl who throws scary info at the first tan girl that gets brought into her office.

Eh, whatever.

She asked for it.


(A big thanks to my co-worker who raised some serious melanoma awareness today! I appreciate you!)

Monday, June 9, 2014

In My Face

There once was a gal who valued a tan. She tanned before prom, graduation, and vacations. She tanned before summer break so that she would get a "base tan." She tanned to make her skin, as society determined was the prettiest, bronzed.

Y'all know all of that. I have never denied my tanning history nor have I ever played the victim because of my melanoma diagnosis. I know I screwed up and made some really shitty decisions that I will forever pay for. 

 You don't have to be a radiologist to know you're not supposed to glow like that.

While I am all about protecting my skin, my family members skin, and encouraging others to do so via the Internet, I am not pushy about it in my every day life. I don't pass a sunscreen bottle around the bleachers at my step son's baseball game. (Although I cheered a little when someone else did.) I don't lecture my co-worker about her obvious burn. Unless you're friends with me on Facebook or stumble upon my blog, chances are you don't know I go to NY every 3 months to see my oncologist. Unless you already know about it, you can bet I don't share my melanoma story with you until I consider you a friend. That's just not how I am. I don't want to be that girl who is always yelling at the co-worker she barley knows about his weekend at the beach.

However, if you are friends with me on Facebook, you know I preach sun safety and my true hatred for tanning beds. I try not to be obnoxious, but I'm certainly aware that I probably am. ;-)

Having said all of that, I can't help but cringe when folks come up to me and say, "I thought of you this weekend. I said to my husband, 'Chelsea's going to get mad at me for getting a sunburn" or "You are going to be mad at me, but I'm going to go to the tanning bed just for a few times." I never know how to react because I want to keep the friendly and professional relationships, but I really want to be like "Whyyyyyyyyyyyy do you tell me these things?!" If I saw your sunburn--and I always see the sunburns--I would never say a word. If I noticed your obvious fake and bake sessions, you can bet I wouldn't mumble a sound about it. While I like to raise awareness, I know there is a time and a place for it. But throwing it in my face? Making a point to tell me the things you know I will get upset about? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?! Ahhhhh!

So I started thinking about it today. Let's say I had lung cancer. Would my associate come up to me and say, "I thought of you today when I bought a new pack of cigarettes"? Would the stranger I see once a month say, "I only smoke when I drink" as if that is an excuse for her bad habit? Or would that be in poor taste?

Am I supposed to just be like "Oh OK!" because it's just a tan? Big deal?

If UV rays from tanning beds are class 1 carcinogens, just like tobacco, why can we make excuses for our poor decisions just because we want to look good at the country club?

I make a point to keep my cancer outside of certain areas in my life, but when I hear these confessions, I can't help but speak up. Obviously these folks know their decisions are poor choices, yet they make them anyway. And really, that's on them. It's their skin, their biggest organ. (And yet, the sensitive girl buried inside of me can't help but feel the sting. You don't have to make better life decisions just because I got melanoma, but you could refrain from telling me about those decisions. I had to learn my lesson the hard way which is why I put time and effort into sharing my experience.)

Maybe next time, instead of almost asking for my understanding, they will apply the extra sunscreen and cancel the damn tanning membership.

A girl can hope, can't she?

*Disclaimer: This isn't about a particular event. These types of comments are made weekly. DisclaimerX2: You should know by now there's always a chance YOU will end up on my blog. ;-)


(And yes, I realize it's been forever since I've blogged. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. Life is good--yet very, very, very busy!)