You Can Only Love Them

There once was a time – not that long ago – I thought I knew it all. I was so angry, so bitter, so scared, that I critiqued what people said to me. Instead of wrapping myself in the love sent with their comments, I thought of what they should have said. Like many others, I blogged about what you should say to cancer patients, I wrote about what not to say to cancer patients. I talked about the clichés used and how one should avoid them. I was such an angry know-it-all.

My blog friend, Tim, wrote a comment in 2011 that really struck home with me today as I reread it: “Unfortunately, almost ANYTHING someone says can be a problem depending on what my state of mind happens to be at that particular time.” How true is that? Why didn’t I realize that at the time?

In the last few years, and even this week, I’ve found myself in the position of not knowing what to say. Friends have suffered tragic losses and I’m left speechless. I’m thinking of the clichés. I’m considering not saying anything at all. I’m worried that my sentiment, my love, is not what will transfer and it will all sound insincere. This is ridiculous, you guys. I just want these people to know they are loved, that in their darkest days, THEY ARE LOVED.

So, here I am, many years later, asking for your apology for being an angry-know-it-all melanoma diva.

I know you meant well.

(Well, besides that lady in the post office. I’m not over that one.)

XO,

Chelsea