A Sad Day.

Like many others, I walked into the kiddo's daycare yesterday with a heavy heart & the strong urge to hug him. I looked around the classroom at the innocent young children--ages 4-7--and wanted to cry. How could someone hurt the babies? How could someone intentionally bring harm to the kids?

My heart is heavy.

I know I need to stop watching the news, but I can't. It isn't the murderer I want to know about. He's a coward in my eyes, a monster. It's the incredible adults who made the ultimate sacrifice I want to learn more about. The principal who lunged at the killer. The custodian who ran through the hallways warning others of the violence. The 27-year old teacher who gave her own life for the lives of her students. The innocent babies...the poor innocent babies.

Mr. Rogers once said, "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world." Those are the people I want to learn about.

I turned off the news last night, I changed the radio station, and I took the kiddo to a Christmas parade. I did what 20 other parents will never get to do again. We sang Rudolph on the way there--as I held back tears listening to his sweet little voice--and cuddled during the festivities. I held him a little tighter.

My heart breaks for the families whose lives were forever changed. My heart breaks for the innocence that was greedily taken. My heart just breaks.

Hug your loved ones.

In Charge

One of the hardest things about being diagnosed with stage 3 malignant melanoma was losing the control I had over my life. OK, I know none of us have complete control of our lives, but our daily schedules are made up of what we want them to be. Early coffee alone on the couch, 8 hour work day, dinner with the little guy and Mr. Spots, heck maybe even five minutes for  a cuddle session with the dude. That's my typical day. While ideally I would like a yoga session mixed in there, it hasn't been happening lately. When I was first diagnosed, my schedule went to crap. My newly diagnosed life consisted of meeting with yet another new doctor, flying to New York to visit my new cancer center, flying home to Virginia to recover from surgery, to moving home with my family to begin 12 weeks of treatment, etc, etc, etc. I lost all control over my life. (Well, during the angry stages I experienced, I felt like I lost that control.) It made me crazy.

All I felt like I had--and it wasn't always--was the opportunity to share my concerns, ask my questions, and pick a new doctor if I did not feel comfortable with the one I had. I was the patient, and while we like to believe that every doctor is on our side, if we don't feel comfortable, how can we have complete faith in the one making life saving decisions?

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I'm sharing this because today I received a message on my Facebook page from a woman who had a mole removed 10 years ago. The mole was benign; however, over the past few years she noticed the pigmentation returning. She double checked the area with multiple dermatologists to see if she should be concerned with it. Cathy wrote to me, "...they all told me no - since it had been removed it could not come back and was only pigmentation." Today Cathy went in for her yearly check-up with a new dermatologist. Sure enough, this dermatologist zoomed right in on this suspicious area & removed it. The new dermatologist told Cathy that moles can come back and can become cancerous. Now Cathy is waiting for the pathology report on an area that has been bothering her for years.

I'm like Cathy. I tend to be very trusting. I figure these doctors have had years and years of education and experience, why shouldn't I believe what they say?

While I'm not saying you should doubt every doctor, I do encourage you to find one you trust and feel comfortable with. This is your life we are talking about!

I want to thank Cathy for sharing her experience & encouraging me to share it with you all. She wrote, "It angers me that we trust our doctors so much (with our life!) and we can be told incorrect information that can cause devastating results. I'm so glad I found this new Dermatologist!"

Lesson that I'm still learning: I have no control over melanoma, but I am still in charge of what I do to deal with it. Be your own advocate.

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*A huge thank you to Cathy for wanting my readers to hear her story & learn from her experience. We are all impatiently waiting to hear your good news!

Stronger

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I'm mad.
I'm sad.
I'm quite freaking pissed off,
and yet, I'm inspired...
It's all because of this one thing:

Melanoma.

Lynette & Jillian are struggling right now. Struggling is an understatement. Although they have different stories, and they are different ages, they have two things in common: They both have melanoma to the brain, and they are fighters. I've never had the privilege of meeting Jillian in person, but her mom's posts make me feel like I know what type of person she is. She's like my friend Lynette. These two people women would not want us to sit on the couch and cry over their struggles--and while I can't help but do a tiny bit of that today--I'm going to try to find a smile.

Melanoma may take its toll on our bodies, but it can do nothing to our spirits.

 *One of my friends shared this video on Facebook earlier this week & it seemed appropriate to share with you all now.

Let these fighters inspire you like they have me. Live your life, hug your loved ones, don't let cancer hold you back from enjoying the daily gifts we're given. I know it's hard. But you know what? We're beyond lucky to have the opportunity to keep living. Don't take it for granted. Live.  

Melanoma Monster

This past May I had the pleasure of traveling to Cambridge, Maryland to participate in the Choptank Trot For Melanoma. Not only was it great to be surrounded by my family, I also had the privilege of meeting a special "mole mate" and her husband. Meet Lynette. We chatted, we hugged, and we made plans of meeting in Chincoteague Island to eat crabs & shoot tequila.

Stage IV, and then NED melanoma warrior, Lynette ran this 5K while I walked it with my step dad and boyfriend. Tonight I have received word from Lynette's husband that our Lynette is struggling. I won't go into the details because they aren't mine to share, but I am begging you to send prayers of healing for this beautiful friend. I also ask that you think of her husband and children. 

Melanoma is a mean f**king monster.

And that's as nice as I can put it tonight.

It's OK!

I don't know about y'all but it's been one heck of a work week for this gal. I should write something inspiring or educational, but honestly, I don't have it in me. (And really, who are we kidding? I use this blog simply to chat about MelaNormal: Living with Melanoma. That being said, I thought I'd link-up for the always fun "It's OK Thursday" party with Neely from A Complete Waste of Makeup. 

It's OK...

...to not be really into Christmas this year. (I mean, I have scans, treatment & a house to move into!)
...to curse people who refuse to wave after you've made the effort to let them into the line of traffic.
...to absolutely love the pictures people post of Elf on the Shelf.

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...to absolutely love the inappropriate pictures people post of Elf on the Shelf.
...to be excited that the mean lady is retiring.
...to ignore the chores for couch time with my fella.
...to be absolutely traumatized by this little baby:

...to spend an hour on Twitter discussing important melanoma topics with Hillary Fogelson.

...to realize you are getting old when you feel frustration instead of excitement over Instagram.

...to feel anxiety when you receive the word that 2 more people you know in "real life" had family members diagnosed with melanoma just this week.

...to act like a silly girl with a crush when you receive messages from people who inspire you.

...to adore my clean and organized new blog page. (Thanks, Joelle!)

...to go to bed at 8:30.

Happy Friday Eve!

Adversity

"I think adversity magnifies behavior. Tend to be a control freak? 

You'll become more controlling.

Eat for comfort?

You'll eat more.

And on the positive,  if you tend to focus on solutions 

and celebrate small successes,

that's what you'll do in adversity.

But with a correspondingly bigger success at the end."

-Gretchen Rubin

 

I read this again tonight & it hit home for me.

I'd love to tell you why but I'm battling my first winter cold of the year

and I'm quite certain none of it would make sense.

Until next time, my friends!

OH! If you are on Twitter RIGHT NOW (December 5, 2012, 8 PM)

join Hillary Fogelson & Raw Elements USA 

discussing skin safety!

#RAWtalks

Teenagers Making A Difference

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I am so amazed by the courage of high school students in today's society. They are vocal, confident, and determined in sharing their messages. Sometimes it's about bullying, other times it's discussing the need for acceptance, and then there are times when teenagers discuss tanning  with their classmates. 

I introduced you to the beautiful Caroline earlier this year. Caroline spoke in front of 350+ classmates about the dangers of tanning and the need for sun protection. According to Caroline's mom, she created quite the buzz in her school! (You can hear Caroline's speech here.)

Today I am bringing Ms. Taylor to your attention. Once again, I don't know this brave high school student. She found my blog a few months ago and messaged my melanoma pal to ask him to speak to me regarding permission to share my story. This morning I woke up to a message from Paul saying Taylor had done it, she wrote the story, and that story made it to the front page of her high school's newspaper! (You can read the article here.)

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I am so in awe of these strangers. Like I said in my original post about Caroline, I know that I did not have the courage to stand in front of my high school peers and discuss a habit that many of us had. I mean, we tanned for a reason...We wanted to be beautiful. To talk about something that the majority of us enjoyed so much would be to go against the majority. And in high school, who wants to take that chance? These girls had an opportunity to apply the things they learned about melanoma and skin cancer, add a 'face' to their presentation, and share it with those willing to listen. 

From all of us in the melanoma community, we thank you Taylor and Caroline for your awesome efforts at raising awareness for this cause so close to our hearts!