Officially A Total Bad Ass!

So, I may have kept my eyes closed during the needle biopsy today, but I am sticking with my belief that I am now officially a total bad ass. I mean, have YOU been jammed in the neck with 3 separate needles? (I hope not because it freaking hurts!)

I began my morning at 7:00, waking up, trying to get organized for my oh-so-exciting day. We knew from the minute we walked outside that it was going to be a hot day. 

We got to the hospital, drenched in sweat, in time to see a young boy--maybe 12--getting ready to go back for scans. My heart broke for him. He should be out skate boarding, giving his parents a hard time, and playing video games. He shouldn't be a patient at a Cancer Center. Something tells me, in the few minutes that I observed him, that he still does all of the fun things. He had a pretty great attitude.

Right around 11:00 Dr. Lee came to get me for my needle biopsy. She was much nicer this time. She still flat out admitted she has no clue what the suspicious area actually is which is why she thinks the biopsy is needed. Instead of making me feel like I was going to die on the table, she was reassuring that the biopsy would provide us with the answers we need to have. I guess everyone could tell I was nervous because they kept reassuring me that the procedure was simple and that I was in great hands.

Once the staff organized all of the supplies for the biopsy, Dr. Lee and her assistant began the ultrasound guided biopsy. Remember how I have been talking about the pain in my shoulder and neck? Well, try having someone "cleaning" that area. I kept jerking my body out of her way. I tried to sit still but honestly it hurt too much. She asked why it hurt. I explained that it was a fairly new problem. The pain and the uncomfortable sensations make me nervous since I automatically assume it is related to the "suspicious area."

When Dr. Lee told me she was injecting the needle to numb my neck, I closed my eyes. I had a strong feeling that if I saw the needles, I would find an escape route out of the hospital. Luckily, I could not feel the first needle at all.  I guess that is one plus to having nerve damage...

Once I was numb Dr. Lee told me she was going to insert the needle, apply pressure for "a few seconds" and hopefully that will be it. What did it feel like? At first it felt fine, a little pressure, no biggie. About the time Dr. Lee questioned if I was feeling OK, I began to feel like the needle was stabbing me in my vocal cords. I started to say, "That hurts!" Dr. Lee quickly told me to stop talking. Oops...Maybe she should have told me that I was not allowed to talk before she stuck in the needle in my neck.

About two minutes (felt like 10) after the biopsy began, Dr. Lee removed the needle. I heard her draining the contents onto the slides that had been prepared. While she did that, Dr. Lee's super attractive male assistant started applying pressure to my neck to limit the bruising. He asks me how I am feeling, I say OK, Dr. Lee says, "We have to do it again." Well, damn.

The process has to be repeated. The second time it was much more painful. I expected the pain in the side of my neck. I was not prepared for it to be towards the front of my neck! After a few more minutes of being jammed with the needle, Dr. Lee told me it was finished. I automatically tried to sit up. I had not even reached a full sitting position when Dr. Lee and her assistant both pushed me back down. "Don't move!" Well, why didn't they tell me not to talk and not to move BEFORE the procedure started?!

For about 10 minutes I got to lay on the table, staring up at the handsome assistant, discussing why he left the Financial District to join the Medical World. Thanks to him applying pressure to the wound area, I do not have a bruise! Y'all know how easily I bruise, so this is a bit exciting. Dr. Lee had to do one last ultrasound to verify that the needle did not cause any damage. All looked good.

I am supposed to receive the results on Monday. Keep your fingers crossed...please!

Because of the heat we did not spend too much time at the Sun Safety Expo at Grand Central. (More on that later.) We came to the hotel, I crawled into bed, and I took a much needed nap. Once I woke up, Mom and I headed over to the mall to do a little retail therapy before going to see a movie. I needed a distraction and something to make me laugh. Bridesmaids was a great movie for that.

I want to thank all of you again for your constant support through this. You not only support me, but you also support my family. We all truly, truly appreciate it. You sure do know how to make a girl feel loved! I may not have responded to every email, call, text, post, etc just yet, but it means so much to me. I hope everyone knows that.

It's late & I need sleep. Tomorrow will be an extremely long day filled with losing too much blood, The Wizard, a visit in the "Chemo Suite", and the 5+ hour drive back home. It exhausts me just thinking about it! ;-)

"She felt small and scared again,

and the need to run away and hide made her foot twitch. 

But she reached inside herself and found the inner reserve, 

her particular brand of stubbornness, 

and clung tightly to it." 

-Karen White