Advice From Someone Who Knows

When my Mom suggested I use the internet to meet fellow melanoma warriors, I had no idea how important of a role they would play in my oh-so-dramatic new life. We are each others cheerleaders, advice givers, and sometimes we are each others kick-in-the-ass. It is true that people who have not experienced cancer first hand have a difficult time understanding exactly what a cancer diagnosis means. Prior to the diagnosis, you worry about how you are going to buy a house, raise your babies, save for retirement. Once you hear the word "cancer" associated with your name, gone are the fears of how you are going to do it. Instead, you are desperate to be able to try to do it! No, I do not know everything about these friends. I don't know their high school sweetheart or their daily habits, but I know some of their deepest fears, darkest memories, and their latest scan results. Instead of cocktails, we bond over cancer.

We pray for each other. We advise each other. We have been known to shed tears of joy over the slightest bit of happy news. Oh, and when the bad times roll around? We "get" it. Sometimes I feel like it is harder for me to hear bad news about one of my melanoma buddies than it is to hear my own bad news. Maybe I get too wrapped up into their situations, I am not sure, but in the back of my head, there is always the thought, "Am I picturing what my life will be like down the road?"  Despite my own personal fears, I continue to pull for them. When I say that I would have lost my sanity by now without these people, it could not be more true. 


...which is why when my melanoma buddies give me great advice, I feel like I need to share it with everyone else who may be going through a similar situation. Following my last blog post, and I'm sure he has seen me mention it before, my friend (and fellow blogger: http://hotelmelanoma.blogspot.com) Rich sent me this message regarding my "woe is me" attitude:


"One of the unreasonable expectations put on cancer patients (expectations of people who DON'T have cancer and are clueless) is that we're supposed to be relentlessly positive and upbeat. Even when we feel lousy from treatment effects and we have upcoming scary medical events on our calendar. You're on an emotional and physical roller coaster ride with inevitable low points, and you needn't apologize to people in your life who can't deal with the dips. We all have our "woe is me" moments (yikes, we're human), and it seems to me that you do a very good job of pulling yourself out of the low points. Cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself for your bad days."

*Thank you, Rich.

Coming from someone who has some experience, being positive non-stop is exhausting. It is draining. It is FAKE. I have bad days. I have days where the slightest comment or the tannest (Is that a word?) person will infuriate me. I have days when I look at my friends and their newborn babies and pray I have the opportunity to have my own babies & raise them to have their own babies. (Yes, I plan to stick around for a while.) Then there are days when I could not be happier for the life that I have been given. Sure, I have a heck of a lot going on right now, hello cancer! hello break-up!, but I feel an odd sense of peace. I am realizing what I want out of this life that I have been given. For that, I am thankful.

Thanks to my confidence, and some back-up support from my melanoma buddy Rich, I will roll my eyes at the person who was fed up with my "woe is me" attitude. As Rich said, I needn't apologize to the people in my life who can't deal with the dips. The dips are all parts of this crazy thing we call life.

To Anne, Erin, Evy, Christina (x2!), Brandi, Becca, Rich, John, Paul, Kathy, Kate, Tim, and my other "unknown cheerleaders"

You are more than "melanoma buddies."

You are my friends.

You let me complain & vent,

and you sure as hell make me laugh,

and you're never afraid to give me a brutally honest answer.

You keep me sane.

And I, 

truly, 

would be a depressed,

paranoid, (more so!)

lonely lady

without each and every one of you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.