Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Restless Nights

And the scanxiety begins...

If you have any experience with scheduled CT scans/MRI's, you know what Scanxiety feels like. I try to talk myself out of it, I tell myself that I have no reason to be paranoid about the upcoming scans; however, my mind still focuses on it. I become grumpy. I get headaches. I become snappy. And I definitely stop sleeping through the night...no matter how exhausted I am!

This time next week I will be packing my bags to head to New York City. On Wednesday, October 2nd, I fly to NJ to meet Mom. I have scans on Thursday, results and treatment on Friday. It is hard to believe my 3 months of freedom have already passed. The last time I went to NYC, the clear scans were such a relief, but I had a hard few weeks after I returned home. I am nervous that now that I have started living my life again, things will come crashing down. I fully believe that if I were to receive "dirty" scan results, I would have a harder time accepting it now than I did in January. In January, I was totally caught off guard when Dr. Cool Guy came in and gave me the less than desirable news that the mole he removed was melanoma. This time, although I am hoping for the best, I have to prepare myself for the worst. You know, just in case...

The lack of sleep is probably also because I am worried about my Pop's surgery on November 2nd. Tomorrow he goes in for a stress test--we've been through this before where they found a blockage and ended up having to do a double bypass surgery--and I am anxious to hear good news regarding that. Prayers please.

I am a bit bummed today. My mom had gotten tickets to be a part of the taping of Anderson Cooper's show on Thursday; however, due to scheduling conflicts, we will not be able to go. Because ipi/yervoy is known to cause inflammation of the eye, I have to see an eye doc while at Sloan Kettering. Originally I was supposed to see the eye doctor in the afternoon, but they have changed the appointment. Sooooooooo, no Silver Fox for me! I know that I should be grateful for the wonderful care that I am receiving, and I am, but I really hate that my mom went through the trouble of trying to plan fun things for us to do and we aren't able to do it. Mom always tries to make my trips to NYC more than just medical appointments. Like I have said before, she is the best. Let's hope my eye doc is as adorable as Mr. Cooper!

Here's what I have to say to melanoma tonight:

Melanoma, I'm coming after you...again!


Rich McDonald said...

I sure hope it all goes well for you next week, and also for your grandfather.

Kate said...

I will be thinking of you next week!! Will say extra prayers for clean scans and good news for your Pop too!

Letha Rodman Melchior Soon To Be Cancer Free said...


I just found your blog while looking for Yervoy causing eye problems. Anyway I started reading your great blog and see that your timing with your whole diagnosis and roller coaster ride is close to my own.
What a lot of up's and downs you've had! Boy, can I Identify!
I was diagnosed in November 2010 - cut into Dec. 22, and I've been used primarily for my surgeon to bone up on his carving skills - by having 7 surgeries since last Dec. I have another surgery coming up, so that'll round the year out with 8!

Truly - I love my surgeon - I think he's the greatest!

On the other hand:

I call my oncologist, Doc Onc - he sounds like Dr. Bad Mustache Man's twin. I think they have a sister I've encountered as well.

I have a blog too. It really helps. Though I'm not as prolific as you. I find it hard to write at times I don't feel well.

Its called:

Letha's Happy Hospital Funtime Blog


I wish you the best of luck with your scans - and I hope there is something that can take the place of seeing Anderson Cooper.

I missed playing on the radio - on WFMU - last month with my husband, because of Yervoy side effects. But I'll go up an other time.

I really hope the best for your Pop. I send him good healing vibes, as well as to you.

RBS said...

hell yeah! i'm the 62year old grandpa with a daughter named Chelsea who replied once before. I love your spunk. My new motto is "making cancer my b@#ch one day at a time, since 1995" I'm starting Interferon in 10 days right after a visit with son, DIL, grandson and new 2 month old granddaughter.

Good luck with your scans. I've come to believe attitude is everything when it's dark and scary and i love yours. good luck Chels.