I am curled up on the couch, the kiddo is between Mr. Spots and I, and we are watching a Disney movie. This is the happiness I have always wanted. Although late nights at crowded bars are fun every once in a while, this is when I am the happiest...home with 'my' guys.
Yesterday was a big day. Mr. Spots graduated from college!
No turning back now!
He is very proud of his Daddy!
The Kiddo always has a way of making good day
As the boys are absorbed in the movie, I am watching them. This Saturday is the last lazy Saturday night we will have together for a while...possibly for 12 very long weeks. Because of the treatments in New York I am about to begin, I will be spending the summer with my parents 6 hours from here. It is hard to imagine living away from "home" for 3 months, but with the cost of gas, with the uncertainty of how I am going to feel, with the exhaustion that comes with the constant traveling, etc, we decided it would be best for me to stay on the Shore. Of course I am excited for the extra time to be with my family, but my life is in Roanoke now. My life is curled up on the couch next to me.
I am almost scared to spend 3 months away...I know I should have trust that our relationship is strong enough to handle the long distance, but we have already been through so much. The whole "Cancer" part of this is hard enough, being 6 hours apart for 3 months will not help our relationship. I guess what bugs me is that I have finally found someone I want to spend a great deal of my time with, I am finally happier than I could have imagined, and my life has become one hectic nightmare.
If anyone cares to wake me up from this horrible dream, I would appreciate it.
As I sit here looking at the loves of my life, I know that the sacrifice of giving up 3 months is absolutely nothing in the long scheme of things. Maybe it is a test. (As if we haven't been tested enough lately!) I am using the next 3 months of my life to try to guarantee many more years of good health. I know military families that sacrifice years to provide a better life for their family. I feel silly being worried about 3 months, but how can I not have fear? Mr. Spots loves me, I know, but I know this is not the life he pictured for himself. I guess I am feeling a bit insecure lately. I have a fear of what the future will bring. This is another reason why people kindly remind us to take things moment by moment.
No matter what the future brings for our relationship, I will know that although life has given us a lot of hurdles, Mr. Spots and I have a very special type of love...morbid jokes and all.