Sunday, May 22, 2011

"Live a Little, Love a Lot."

"Step back, smell the rose
Feel the sand between your toes
Unplug, unwind
Step out in the sunshine...
Live a little,
Love a lot."
~Kenny Chesney

That is exactly what I did this weekend... After Friday, I needed some time to think, to process the latest news, and to rest. I needed some time to put a positive attitude back into place. Maybe I was caught off guard by the less than stellar ultrasound results, maybe I knew all along, I don't know. Regardless, hearing bad news is never easy.

Last night, after hearing I had a "woe is me" attitude, I figured I would stop moping around, get dressed, and go out for a while. I did, and I am very grateful to the friend who listened to me for hours. Keith Urban is right when he sings, "Everybody needs somebody sometimes." Although our problems are different, we were able to talk to each other and get a new perspective on things. It definitely opened my eyes to quite a few things.

Today I woke up feeling a tad bit blue. It was beautiful outside, everyone was heading to the beach, and I briefly considered going myself until I realized all of the luggage I would have to take with me: protective clothes, sunscreen, umbrella, chair, hat, sunglasses, cooler, etc. No-thank-you. Way too much work! For a few minutes, while still in bed, I wished for my old carefree lifestyle. 

Then I rolled over and moved on with my day.

I visited with Gran & Pop today. Pop had a bone to pick with me today...I tend to downplay things to Pop when I talk to him on the phone after receiving bad news. I tell him the truth, but I don't put the emotional part into it. Then he gets online, reads my blog, and becomes upset because he feels like I am keeping things from him. Gran and I tried to make him understand that I am not intentionally hiding things from him. It's just, sometimes things get too scary, and the last thing I need is for someone I love to become emotional over the latest scare. Someone else becoming visibly upset does me no good. And let's face it, I am a writer, not a talker! (At least not when it comes to the scary monster melanoma.) Love you, Poppy & Granny! :-)

After hanging with the G-Parents, I headed over to Assateague. 3 hours of talking, walking, and just staring at the ocean was good for my soul. And my goodness, I am exhausted now! Something tells me that when it is time for bed, I will sleep deeply.

One of my melanoma buddies wrote to me, "Keep moving forward and keep reminding yourself that you are fighting for your life. It’s ok to be selfish and self absorbed right now. You have to be and I hope you are. It’s time to circle the wagons and decide who you want inside your little circle." That is what I am doing right now. I need to redirect my energy to my health instead of focusing on things I cannot control. 

It is time to put my thinking cap on and find out what I really want out of this life that is mine...


Rich McDonald said...

My unsolicited advice (which recovering attorneys are prone to give) is don't be too hard on yourself when you hit one of the inevitable low points in the emotional rollercoaster you're riding. Your Friday sounds like a really tough and scary day; nothing to be ashamed of if it takes a few days to rebound from it! Best wishes.

Kate said...

I like the BE SELFISH advice! Definitely indulge in whatever it is you need to get yourself through this!! And lean on people you feel are worthy of your inner circle. Best Wishes Chelsea.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it just so amazing how, for every situation or feeling or problem you face in life, there is a country song to match it and/or make you feel better about it?! It's just good stuff, all the way around.

Take time for yourself. You can still have a positive attitude and be concerned at the same time. That's normal. Just remember to trust in God, and know that He has a plan for you.