Thursday, March 17, 2011

A Week From Today...

It is hard for me to imagine the pain I will
be going through a week from today.
How do I know it is going to be more painful
than my previous surgery?

Well, Dr. Adorable told me so.

While discussing the upcoming surgery, I told Dr. Adorable that I still have a lot of numb/tingling/soreness in my chest and arms.

His immediate response?

"Yeah...about is going to be a lot worse."

I laughed because his response was just so...perfect. No sugar coating!

He did inform me that I am "lucky" in the sense that I am already numb so it will not be as big of a shock as it would be to a patient experiencing no pain or numbness.

I am becoming a little anxious about the surgery. I know this will be the most intense thing I have ever put my body through--the pain, the drains, the risks.

However, it WILL bring me answers and a sense of peace.

...and a lot of new scars.

But I am nervous...nervous about silly things:

I have never had to stay in the hospital at night...

Will Mom be able to stay with me? (Because, even at 23, I want my Momma...or at least some family member to make sure no one "off's" me! ;-))

Will I ever be able to tolerate someone touching the back of my arms?

Will I get the private room I requested or will I have an annoying roommate who makes me bat sh** crazy?

Will my voice be affected? (highly unlikely, according to Dr. Adorable.)

Will I ever feel confident enough to go outside without a scarf?

What will I eat? Will I REALLY be forced to eat hospital food? scares me. As Mr. Spots likes to say, I am a "purist" when it comes to food...and no funky textures, please.

And the drains...let's not get started on the drains again.

A part of me wishes I could fast forward this next week. The sooner the surgery gets here, the sooner I can start healing.

Just gotta keep on keeping on...


Tina Sullivan said...

Hi Chelsea. Thanks for commenting on my blog and for the congrats. I will be doing the same to you many times along your journey.

From someone who has gone through this, I do not think any of those things are silly. We all get nervous about the unknowns and your staring down more right now than some people deal with in a lifetime. It doesn't matter if you are nervous about what shoes you will wear to the hospital :) - it isn't silly.

If you get your own room, then most likely someone can stay with you overnight. If it is shared, I'm not sure. The hospitals do have rules, but I haven't met any nurses that don't bend them when necessary. As for the food, my experiece with hospital food is it isn't that bad. However, if it sucks, you should be able to have your fam/friends bring in food.

You will be in pain and the drains are a pain in the a**, but you WILL get through it. You will have more scars and numbness. I know the scars can be hard to deal with as they change our appearance and are constant reminders of the beast. I had to change this into something positive instead of negative. They are survivor beauty marks which can give you strength during your treatment and/or new way of life. For me they are a reminder of the past, but also of where I want my journey to go. A gentle reminder to apply sunscreen, to eat healthier, to enjoy today, etc.

The numbness is something you will get used to as your new normal for awhile. It is awful at first and then annoying and then soon enough it will fade.

I don't know you, but from what I've read you are one tough 23 year old! You may feel weak, scared, nervous, etc. at times, but you are a survivor. Remember that! You are young and other than this craziness you are healthy, you can do this!!

mylittlemini said...

Chelsea, just a note to let you know that I, among many others, will be with you in spirit next week. I hope your mom can stay with you--usually it is possible and desirable. This is the journey to healing, and you are embraced with prayer and love. Rev. Nancy

Chelsea said...

Ladies--Thank you so much for the support. Someone shared a story about a study that shows that people who are receiving prayers from many people--when they don't know they are being prayed for--have a better outcome than those who aren't prayed for. If that has anything to do with it, I should be a-ok! ;-)

Tina, your story always gives me hope. You are one fighter, girl! I believe you will have more great news to share soon. Thank you for understanding...Someone told me that if my biggest worry is what I will look like (obviously it isn't...) than I have nothing to worry about. I think it is hard for people to understand that we have NO control over anything regarding melanoma...If I want to worry about what I look like, let me.

It is always great to hear from people who have already been through this experience...The uncertainty of the future is the hardest thing for me to accept. Being a girl who needs a clear and detailed plan, this makes me a nervous wreck. ;) Thank you for helping answer questions!!