It is hard for me to imagine the pain I will
be going through a week from today.
How do I know it is going to be more painful
than my previous surgery?
Well, Dr. Adorable told me so.
While discussing the upcoming surgery, I told Dr. Adorable that I still have a lot of numb/tingling/soreness in my chest and arms.
His immediate response?
"Yeah...about that...it is going to be a lot worse."
I laughed because his response was just so...perfect. No sugar coating!
He did inform me that I am "lucky" in the sense that I am already numb so it will not be as big of a shock as it would be to a patient experiencing no pain or numbness.
I am becoming a little anxious about the surgery. I know this will be the most intense thing I have ever put my body through--the pain, the drains, the risks.
However, it WILL bring me answers and a sense of peace.
...and a lot of new scars.
But I am nervous...nervous about silly things:
I have never had to stay in the hospital at night...
Will Mom be able to stay with me? (Because, even at 23, I want my Momma...or at least some family member to make sure no one "off's" me! ;-))
Will I ever be able to tolerate someone touching the back of my arms?
Will I get the private room I requested or will I have an annoying roommate who makes me bat sh** crazy?
Will my voice be affected? (highly unlikely, according to Dr. Adorable.)
Will I ever feel confident enough to go outside without a scarf?
What will I eat? Will I REALLY be forced to eat hospital food? ...it scares me. As Mr. Spots likes to say, I am a "purist" when it comes to food...and no funky textures, please.
And the drains...let's not get started on the drains again.
A part of me wishes I could fast forward this next week. The sooner the surgery gets here, the sooner I can start healing.
Just gotta keep on keeping on...