Thursday, March 31, 2011

Melanoma and Relationships

There should be a self-help book based on how to deal with your significant other after she has been diagnosed with cancer. It should begin with "Pay little attention to the major mood swings...They, too, will pass."

I have blogged about Mr. Spots quite a bit in the past. It is always a hard decision for me about what I should write and what I shouldn't; however, I said I was going to be honest and I am sticking to that. Anyone who has faced a difficult road in life knows that we all handle things differently. Some of us face things head on, others do whatever that can be done to ignore the less than pleasant experiences life throws at us. I am the type of person that is sometimes so independent it comes across as being stubborn, and then there are other times when I am a scared little girl. If I am going to "break down" and cry, Mr. Spots has been my go-to guy. I turn to him with every positive update, every scary statistic, every ounce of hope, and unfortunately...every bit of anger.

Case in point--this most recent surgery.

I was scared out of my mind about this latest surgery. I had no idea what to expect, what the outcome would be, what side effects I would be stuck with, etc. Honestly, I was a little ticked off that he was not around to experience all of it with me. In my very selfish brain, I thought that as my "partner" he should have been by my side during the scariest day of my life. I could not get past the resentment I felt towards him for being elsewhere. I mean, there I was, taking drastic steps for HOPE that I can beat this thing, and he was home living his "normal" life.

Now that I am more calm, have good news, and regaining the ability to use my arms, I realize that I was being a bit selfish. He has a little boy, family, and school. He can't drop everything every single time I have a cancer scare. I can't say it does not sting a little, but one thing this whole experience has taught me is that I have to pick my battles carefully. He has been a blessing to me...my outlet when I am too scared to tell anyone else the horrible thoughts I am having, my partner in crime when I want to have some fun, my ball of energy when I can hardly stand to get out of bed, and my boyfriend.....Regardless of the cancer craziness, Mr. Spots continues to remind me he loves me, reminds me that I am beautiful---scary scars and all---and he loves me...really loves me.

I have to remember to give the guy a break sometimes...just like he has to remember my mood swings are sometimes earned...and that despite my tough girl act, I need him.

That is why I am thankful he is on his way to see me today. We have some apologizing and celebrating to do.

Give and take. That's how relationships survive, right?

1 comment:

Asia said...

I figured I'd take a moment out of my day to pull my head out of my arse and see what's going on in a worded-snapshot view of your world, and comment on it :)

Give and Take... that's how any relationship survives these days, those that don't, well... that's why we have such a high divorce rate.

Breathe, Observe and Let Go... The oldest remedy to stress... I really should try it. Maybe you should too...

Breathe- Concentrate on your breathing. Close your
eyes... and take 3 if not 5 really deep breaths (as deep as you can handle them) and then exhale slowly with each one.

Observe - Observe with your minds eye, not as if it's your's but as if it's a movie - the things that are causing you stress, anxiety and pain. Acknowledge it, accept it.

Let go - After accepting what you've observed - let it go. Concentrate on your most immediate need and get that done and then go to your next most immediate need. If you are religious , let it go with a prayer.

This is what I've learned... hopefully I will use it soon and it will help me.

I hope this helps you too, my friend. I am thankful that you have someone like your Mr. Spot to lean on.

Love you as a friend and as someone I know whom is going through such a tough time in life. It will get better - I have such hope that it does. It already has, no?

(Hugs)