There should be a self-help book based on how to deal with your significant other after she has been diagnosed with cancer. It should begin with "Pay little attention to the major mood swings...They, too, will pass."
I have blogged about Mr. Spots quite a bit in the past. It is always a hard decision for me about what I should write and what I shouldn't; however, I said I was going to be honest and I am sticking to that. Anyone who has faced a difficult road in life knows that we all handle things differently. Some of us face things head on, others do whatever that can be done to ignore the less than pleasant experiences life throws at us. I am the type of person that is sometimes so independent it comes across as being stubborn, and then there are other times when I am a scared little girl. If I am going to "break down" and cry, Mr. Spots has been my go-to guy. I turn to him with every positive update, every scary statistic, every ounce of hope, and unfortunately...every bit of anger.
Case in point--this most recent surgery.
I was scared out of my mind about this latest surgery. I had no idea what to expect, what the outcome would be, what side effects I would be stuck with, etc. Honestly, I was a little ticked off that he was not around to experience all of it with me. In my very selfish brain, I thought that as my "partner" he should have been by my side during the scariest day of my life. I could not get past the resentment I felt towards him for being elsewhere. I mean, there I was, taking drastic steps for HOPE that I can beat this thing, and he was home living his "normal" life.
Now that I am more calm, have good news, and regaining the ability to use my arms, I realize that I was being a bit selfish. He has a little boy, family, and school. He can't drop everything every single time I have a cancer scare. I can't say it does not sting a little, but one thing this whole experience has taught me is that I have to pick my battles carefully. He has been a blessing to me...my outlet when I am too scared to tell anyone else the horrible thoughts I am having, my partner in crime when I want to have some fun, my ball of energy when I can hardly stand to get out of bed, and my boyfriend.....Regardless of the cancer craziness, Mr. Spots continues to remind me he loves me, reminds me that I am beautiful---scary scars and all---and he loves me...really loves me.
I have to remember to give the guy a break sometimes...just like he has to remember my mood swings are sometimes earned...and that despite my tough girl act, I need him.
That is why I am thankful he is on his way to see me today. We have some apologizing and celebrating to do.
Give and take. That's how relationships survive, right?