"It's OK for you to be sad,
and just plain f**king pissed off."
That about sums up how I feel today. Every little thing has annoyed me: the annoying waitress at the restaurant, the amount of sunshine in my eyes, the noise of a toy gun. Seriously irritable.
I am nervous.
Tomorrow at 1 PM I meet with Dr. Bad Mustache to hear the results of the PET CT. Will the cancer be found somewhere else in my body? How advanced will it be? What are the treatments available?
I talked to a fellow cancer fighter today and his advice for me was to stay mad. He said that anger has been his motivation to do all the necessary research, to handle all his treatments, etc.
Maybe it isn't such a horrible thing that I'm quite pissed off.
...except that being mad is so exhausting for me.
I like sunshine and flowers. My boyfriend and good music.
The whole angry girl thing has never been me. Even while I have an attitude with Mr. Spots, I am thinking in my head of how I need to apologize. Unfortunately it is true that you take your stress out on those you love. **SORRY, MR. SPOTS. I love you! (Even if we annoy each other from time to time.)
I am going to try to get some sleep...(Benadryl, anyone?!)
No matter what Dr. Bad Mustache tells me tomorrow...
I will still have hope.
I will still be strong.
I will not give up.
NO MATTER WHAT.