I can't say a word while we sit in the waiting room.
How am I going to handle the news that there is cancer in an organ?
Will it be my kidneys? My ovaries? Will chemo prevent me from having babies? Will I survive?
More importantly (at that moment) how in the hell am I going to handle the reaction of my parents?
God had a different plan for me today.
In walks Dr. Bad Mustache... I am pretty sure I'm holding my breath. I wonder how long it will take him to tell me the news...
"Your PET was clear."
I have never felt the sense of relief that I experienced today. Don't get me wrong, I have put myself, or been put in, some pretty shady situations before...But I have never, ever feared for my life. I have always been lucky enough to know that no matter what I did in life I would have the support of my family. This time, no matter how much they wanted to, they could not fix it all. And for my family...I know that was frustrating.
So, what does a clear PET CT mean?
To our knowledge right now, the cancer has not spread past the lymph nodes. I still need treatment because we need to do everything in our power to not ALLOW the cancer to spread, and to keep away future melanoma.
Dr. Bad Mustache told me he thinks I am an "odd case" because the initial melanoma was only 1.15 mm. Had it been .75 mm, the dermatologist would have done NOTHING about it except wait and see what happened in the future. Because it was a tiny bit bigger, they did the additional (painful) surgery. Dr. Bad Mustache said he was actually surprised to see the cancer in lymph nodes...especially lymph nodes in different locations. This is a concern for him. This is why it is especially important I do every thing in my power to keep ahead of the cancer.
I have an appointment with Memorial Sloan-Kettering on February 25th. I have heard nothing but fabulous things about the facility and the doctor I am seeing.
It is not that I do not like Dr. Bad Mustache, he won major points today (hence me wanting to give him a big fat kiss!!!) but I am not a fan of the treatment he suggests. He says at this time Interferon is my option. Here's the thing about Interferon I do not like...It is an IV every week day for 30 days, then by shot 3 times a week for 11 months. The illness that people experience does not seem to be worth the final result. Major Melanoma centers around the country are no longer using Interferon.
If the best treatment is available to me, you can bet your little heart I am going after it!
Now--- this kiss is for you.
YOU who have stalked me on facebook.
YOU who have mentioned me in your prayers.
YOU who have been here for my family.
YOU who have taken the time to simply tell me you are thinking of me.
You...my family and friends... I would be lost without.
And, of course, Dr. Bad Mustache who gave me the news I needed after 3 of the most difficult weeks of my life.